How do you really ever fully process a cancer diagnosis?

Today marks the end of the 10th week since I learned that I have cancer. Since then things moved very fast. I had a provider that understood the aggressive nature of my cancer and she managed to refer me to a oncology surgeon within a week and a half and because of someone else's misfortune of contracting covid before surgery I was able to have a total hysterectomy within 2 weeks following my diagnosis. Immediately after surgery my oncologist felt that we had caught this in an early stage and was very optimistic. But a week later the pathology came back stage 3A uterine clear cell carcinoma HER2+. Later that was refined to mixed clear cell serous carcinomas.

None of those words meant anything to me 10 weeks ago. Today they just run through my brain almost every single minute of every single day. I've already started a regiment of chemotherapy and have completed two cycles of six. My doctor tells me I have a great prognosis. He believes that with the chemotherapy, my lifestyle changes and maintenance therapy of herceptin. I have the potential to beat this cancer. However, I have scoured every paper I can find in PubMed and I see very little hope in those papers. I want to live my life believing that I can conquer this diagnosis and live a long life, But I find very little evidence in what I read that that is true or will be true.

10 weeks really isn't a very long time to wrap your head around a life altering diagnosis. How will I ever be able to live my life without constantly thinking about me and my mortality?

I am pulling out all the stops. I'm following everything my oncologist tells me to do. I also follow all the recommendations of my holistic practitioner. I work with the clinical licensed social worker every single week to address my feelings and vulnerability and sadness. I get up every morning and walk my dog 2 miles. I work with my trainer for strength training. I'm doing everything that I have read that has potential to lengthen my life. But I still feel so broken.
This week I meet with a another oncologist for a second opinion on the treatment and follow-up treatments. All I can do is keep searching for hope that I will not die from this particular disease. I know that I cannot see the future but I can't help searching for it. My mind just will not stop looking for ways to survive. One day I think I found the elixir of health and the next day my brain tells me Don't be foolish. You have no control over anything.

I guess I just put this out here hoping I will find somebody who has found the way forward and would share that with me.

I'm really afraid that I'm going to isolate my friends because I can't stop talking about myself. And it's so all over the board. One day I'm hopeful I've got this. Everything's going to be okay and the next day I damned myself.

I know I have the capacity to turn my thinking towards the positive. I just need a little bit of help getting there.