Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Posted by Morgan17 @harmony11, Mar 15 11:20pm

As we grow older, many of us face the reality of living alone or being without a strong support system. Let’s talk about it—how do you stay connected with others, maintain your independence, and find joy in this stage of life? Are there communities, activities, or personal practices that have made a difference for you? Let’s share ideas, experiences, and encouragement to remind ourselves that we’re never truly alone.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

sisyphus | @sisyphus | Mar 26 3:11am

In reply to @thisismarilynb "I appreciate your reply, but no, this is not an option. I consider myself a humanist." + (show)

I happen to be too; a humanist.
Some of us have zoom meetings. I belong to some -- in my city and one nationwide. I am sure USA has too. I actually do enjoy some as we do get to talk some 'heavy' stuff that requires mental workout: last time someone said that churches provide closer community...to which I said, "then as humanist we must have something equal if not better if our life-philosophy offers a more humanist stance to life-and-its-issues.
Just a thought?

But I also know for people looking to just TALK, there are organisations who provide an ear to listen to those in need of someone to talk to. One here is called, NICE; I think even AARP might be helpful with suggestions.

It's a pressing problem that stares me in my face bc soon I will be in a position where living alone in an apt may not be viable. I toy with the idea that OLDER people need to help EACH OTHER. It's only fair ... even if they do a 'lousy' job. There is no perfect way to die except...as Socrates was able to but his was of the state's making. I'd however like that , or something similar, where I may leave willfully, among a few true friends. If there is no country for the old, then as experienced/elders, can we not devise a way?

capnjack | @capnjack | Mar 26 9:28am

In reply to @thisismarilynb "I am really alone with no support system. I am also quite old = 90. I..." + (show)

Hi, Marilynb, and thank you for posting. From your posting (going for groceries and to the library), it would appear that you're at least ambulatory. And that you even posted at all shows that you're thinking, maybe it could be better. One of my life models, Ernestine Shepherd, is 88 or 89, and lost both her husband and her son within the last year or two. She was, of course, devastated by these losses but she finds solace in her faith and in taking care of herself. Did I mention that she's also the world's oldest competitive bodybuilder? You should look her up. And get out and walk! And keep coming back and sharing with us! // Jack

happilyalive | @happilyalive | Mar 26 9:30am

Wow, I wish that our town had a community center where people could meet up and share a meal, beverage or dessert. That would make meeting others much easier. My Mom's in another state even has a store that seniors can shop at to obtain things they need at a very reasonable price. She even goes line dancing there. Goes to show that many areas need more in way of things for different age groups, including seniors. 🙂 Have a blessed day and thanks for sharing your idea about the senior center.

thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Mar 26 9:43am

In reply to @sisyphus "I happen to be too; a humanist. Some of us have zoom meetings. I belong to..." + (show)

There is a way. It is called Death with Dignity. We voted for it in California. I believe some other more liberal thinking states have it. If someone has a terminal disease they can choose to self terminate. Of course there is a lot of red tape. You have to be seen by a doctor so he can say that you are of sound mind and not be influenced by anyone. There is also a six-month time limit. If and when you get through all of this, the proper medications will be delivered. And there is still one more hoop to jump through. You must be in a "good" enough condition to administer the medication by and to yourself. Naturally there are a lot of "others" out there who think they know better what is good for you than you, yourself, do. I have no use for these kind of people. They tend to stick their long noses into things that are none of their business. Also, I believe there is a country in Europe where you can go to get this kind of care. But then that costs money. And at our age there may not be that much left.
AARP has a group called The Ethels. I read their posts. I usually do not comment. As I have said I am currently able to live by myself. I do not like it but having visited two facilities that offer independent living I would not like to live there. Again you have to have money. Even for an extremely small apartment the rent is high and increases every year. I am already 90. How many more years do I have? A question no one can answer. But I am determined to stick it out for as long as I can.

thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Mar 26 9:46am

In reply to @becsbuddy "@thisismarilynb I also have a suggestion. The senior center in our town has a cafe 5..." + (show)

I know that they have. It is not appealing to me.

thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Mar 26 11:26am

In reply to @capnjack "Hi, Marilynb, and thank you for posting. From your posting (going for groceries and to the..." + (show)

Hello Jack,
Yes, I am definitely ambulatory. I drive. I can drive anywhere I need to be, including the freeways. At 90 I have full capacity of my brain, and I am able to make any kind of decisions I need. I read and watch the news on TV because even though it is hard, it is important to know what is happening. I do take care of myself. At the advanced age of 90 it would appear that I do not have the common ailments most people in my age group have. Thank goodness for that because my body does not like medications and I once had a life threatening reaction from taking a popular medication. It is my belief that taking all those drugs shorten your life. I was a racewalker but wore out one of my hips. Had a full hip replacement at age 87. However I am awkward around people so keep to myself. It is hard being alone and lonely. My husband and I were together for 62 years and married for 59. We loved cruising and I have been all over the world. I think some about travelling but do not relish the idea of doing it alone. My husband passed away 3 years ago and I miss him dreadfully. When I feel I have something pertinent to say I will post. So nice of you to get in touch. Thank you.

euser | @euser | Mar 26 12:00pm

In reply to @thisismarilynb "I am really alone with no support system. I am also quite old = 90. I..." + (show)

Sorry to hear that you cry. I am also an elder and I think you should not cry. You should find contentment in the fact that you and your late husband had a long, successful partnership. You can try activities like advising other people ( your age eminently qualifies you for this), meditation, light reading and generally keeping yourself contented, happy and healthy. You can also provide whatever help you can to others but make sure that you don't expect gratitude etc., as that has the potential to bring disappointment in some cases. Wish you lots of positive energy.