Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Line dancing sounds like fun! I have a really great friend. She is so much like me and also we keep in touch if we cannot meet up. Friends are not needed to stay part of what is going on at home while being a caregiver.

I too am an introvert and often have to stay home since I'm my husband's caregiver. He cannot leave the house often so it also hinders my going out. To make things even tougher, we have recently moved to a new home that is over two hours away from our former residence. Battling with how to meet people has been an issue for both of us. With his handicap and my being autoimmune we stream the Sunday services from a local church. Using a list that was made up of close neighbors I've begun snail mailing them to get to know them a little better. Unfortunately, the only way I get social interactions is to visit friendly businesses to chat with them as I check out in the line and to speak with customers around me in the grocery store. I've reached out to the Senior services in our city to only be told that if I get lonely then they have a cat I can come in and pet. Getting out of the house is a huge undertaking and so I understand in that I'm looking for email ladies to become friends with. I learned quickly don't paste anything like that on Craigslist. So, keep at it in networking online if you are stuck in the house often. I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses to this reply. I'm wondering is there anyone who knows of an email group for seniors just needing interaction? Thanks for asking this . Have a blessed day.

Those women never grew past the childish behavior but I think in most cases people are left out because they don't fit in in some way(s). As I indicated in a previous posting, that's really good.

I had another experience with a small group I was involved in. These people were much more like me than the other group who all of a sudden left me out. One day I had asked if "we" were going to meet tonight and one of them said "No. Not tonight". Well, I went out that night by myself, went to a small restaurant in town and as soon as I walked in I saw the group were all there having a grand old time! That didn't hurt but it made me think "What don't they like about me?". Again it was for the best. Shortly after I met someone who became a special lifelong friend. However they live far away and in recent years care for their parents full-time so we don't correspond much these days. In the future though this may change.

I'm sad that happened to you, when you needed support the most! I had something similar happen when diagnosed with cancer over a decade ago. Lost so many friends, they just vanished. I know people say "they don't know what to say". When you are struggling to adjust to life that isn't how it used to be, physically, mentally and socially, you don't have the stamina to be the initiator too. I've learned to be a bit more "aware" of one-sided relationships in my life, where I do all the giving and it isn't reciprocated. (But still find myself getting blind-sided once in awhile by people I thought were friends). Time is of the essence these days and so is energy. I hope with all my heart you can find another group that is intellectually stimulating, so you can stay put until you are truly ready to move on. Hugs.

I do not know of such a group, but think it a great idea and will keep my eyes and ears open. I too have autoimmune and my husband has not been able to get around well this winter, so we have been home a lot. Am sad you were offered advice to come in and pet the cat. That wouldn't work for me as I have severe cat allergy! Hopefully your call initiates more thoughtful solutions?? I have 2 friends that I email regularly; it helps to hear from them and interact that way. And 2 women in my family recently widowed and I keep in touch with them often to support them as they adjust to life alone. Thank you for posting your story! I could relate to all you were sharing.

Thank you for answering my post. I agree that a group needs to be created for seniors and others who must stay home to have some socialization. I'm very glad to read that you have two women in the family that you keep in touch with and support each other. Also, it's good that you email two friends regularly. With so many people retiring now there are bound to be many more people like us that must abstain from large groups, outings and settings that aren't ADA compliant. You are truly blessed and so are the ones that you contact through email or any other way. Blessings to you.

You get it, validating. Someone suggested I contact ex-book club people to see if anyone would like to continue. Don’t feel that is an option. I believe that friendship wasn’t what I thought it was. I don’t know if you can recreate with aging, or maybe it’s accepting something different. Always a lot to process. Thank you for the wonderful response.

And Caring for oneself is a principle that is true whether one is 86 or 16 or ANY other age because as by caring oneself First we are able to care for the Others better.

I've found Zoom meetings which is embraced not only by churches but also many other social and cultural organizations, just like meetup.com on zoom. I use them occasionally when I am looking for Only to discuss what I have pressing interests in, such as climate change, food security, humanism, philosophy, critical thinking, etc.

But my current focus is In-Person and so I am joining one about anxiety. Funny, I had a foggy head a few days ago although I'd gotten up from sleep just a few hours ago. So I googled it and found a reliable sources (Cleveland Clinic, for e.g.) say it can be from Anxiety! Me having to have an anxiety issue second time in Ten Years again at 81? Naturally, I sat with myself, as I'd done the first time, and dug into my Source of anxiety. You know what? Within MINUTES I felt the fog clearing away! I still feel amazed: minds having such direct influence on our bodies?

I am writing this bc I'm going to join an Anxiety Group Meetup to meet in-person! Do Problems create Opportunities? It seems so!
I wish you luck finding your groups!

I went to a place today that has a group that knows me but I'm not really part of it. They're very decent people but today they all kind made it clear that that I'm definitely not part of it. Then about a half hour hour later they dropped that demeanor and I could see they felt bad about how they treated me. That's groups for you. I'm not that big on them but when I'm part of one I try to make everyone feel always welcome and I never forget the older ones over any new members.