1. < Depression & Anxiety

Bad therapeutic experiences - can you help?

Posted by lonerangergal @lonerangergal, Mar 19 2:55pm

I am a 59-year-old woman. I am also the proverbial child of trauma, necessitating consultations with numerous mental health professionals along the way.

My problem is that while I have spent the bulk of my life successfully healing, I am still troubled by a couple of these therapists. Their unprofessional conduct, ranging from sexual innuendo to direct insults to closing a session early due to a pre-planned dinner appointment (there’s a lot more), continues to anger me today. Hence, in addition to having to heal from my childhood trauma, I have also worked to heal from these psychologically costly consultations. I do not believe I unwittingly “attracted” these people.

I have taken to writing anonymous letters to each of them about my respective disappointments, as well as reviewing them online, and in one case, reported them to the respective state board.

It has been nearly 35 years since I’ve seen either one of them, but I still carry bits of anger inside, despite experiencing some healing. I believe people can move on without forgiveness, but I’m at a loss as to what to do, having covered all my bases.

As mental health can be so nuanced sometimes, I’m not sure how to view this conundrum. Is the grieving process simply not over, yet? Any advice toward putting this to rest would be greatly appreciated.

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kb2014 | @kb2014 | Mar 19 11:58pm

I relate to your post. My most recent therapist about 1 year ago blamed me. I have no issue taking responsibility for my own healing but blaming us is toxic. I havd had 2 recent successful therapy experiences. One was domestic violence treatment and now help from the veterans spouses network. Those of us with trauma have had all we can take of being blamed. I had a long history of being overmedicatrd by psychiatry as well. Forgiveness is not necessary. I do have peer support from VSN. This has been very helpful. Is thus type of help possible for you. Peer to peer?

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1 reply
lonerangergal | @lonerangergal | Mar 20 7:52am
In reply to @kb2014 "I relate to your post. My most recent therapist about 1 year ago blamed me. I..." + (show)
@kb2014

I relate to your post. My most recent therapist about 1 year ago blamed me. I have no issue taking responsibility for my own healing but blaming us is toxic. I havd had 2 recent successful therapy experiences. One was domestic violence treatment and now help from the veterans spouses network. Those of us with trauma have had all we can take of being blamed. I had a long history of being overmedicatrd by psychiatry as well. Forgiveness is not necessary. I do have peer support from VSN. This has been very helpful. Is thus type of help possible for you. Peer to peer?

Jump to this post

Thanks for your reply. I've done some digging on this and have found some validation. Apparently the problem is bigger than I ever dreamed. There's a good measure of incompetence in the mental health profession and sometimes I feel that if you know one clinician, you know them all. They repeat the same talking points, such as, "happiness is a choice" and other such nonsense. So perhaps my healing should be predicated on knowing I'm not alone. I will no longer tolerate insult to injury.

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1 reply
shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | Mar 20 9:44am

So sorry for your struggles. Main thing is, according to what I have read over the last 60 years, the effects of trauma do not go away. They lie dormant until triggered by events, like insensitive providers. I have had my share. Just stupid! "Do you have good insurance?"
Try researching VAGUS nerve, BESSELL VAN DER KOLK, GABOR MATE.
Also important the HSP Highly Sensitive Person.
Stay away from on line mental health services (except this one). They can be informative but VERY insensitive.

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1 reply
kb2014 | @kb2014 | Mar 21 4:46pm
In reply to @lonerangergal "Thanks for your reply. I've done some digging on this and have found some validation. Apparently..." + (show)
@lonerangergal

Thanks for your reply. I've done some digging on this and have found some validation. Apparently the problem is bigger than I ever dreamed. There's a good measure of incompetence in the mental health profession and sometimes I feel that if you know one clinician, you know them all. They repeat the same talking points, such as, "happiness is a choice" and other such nonsense. So perhaps my healing should be predicated on knowing I'm not alone. I will no longer tolerate insult to injury.

Jump to this post

I have been told everything in life is a choice etc. Behavior change takes work. Often in my journey with therapy I have found I was part of the problem but when your life begins with trauma and adverse childhood events that agency is taken away. I agree. Do not tolerate insult to injury.

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kb2014 | @kb2014 | Mar 22 2:34pm
In reply to @shmerdloff "So sorry for your struggles. Main thing is, according to what I have read over the..." + (show)
@shmerdloff

So sorry for your struggles. Main thing is, according to what I have read over the last 60 years, the effects of trauma do not go away. They lie dormant until triggered by events, like insensitive providers. I have had my share. Just stupid! "Do you have good insurance?"
Try researching VAGUS nerve, BESSELL VAN DER KOLK, GABOR MATE.
Also important the HSP Highly Sensitive Person.
Stay away from on line mental health services (except this one). They can be informative but VERY insensitive.

Jump to this post

This comments are very valid. Trauma is always there but there are many ways to manage it. I have run out of patience with people who have no boundaries or filters of their own. Just basic things like you cannot say what ever you think you can to someone because those of us who have had trauma therapy know and have no more time for you.

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | Mar 22 2:51pm

No one in this life escapes
trauma and the after effects. It depends on what age it hit. Was it one sudden, or chronic? How intense was it? The after-effects in personality, behavior, and thinking, are not pathology, but rather the system's method of protection. That is why healing can be so difficult. We don't want to give up our protection, even to a good shrink, much less a bad one. This is"diagnosed" as RESISTANCE ie. Your fault.
It is not!
see Donald Kalsched on trauma and dissociation.
Chat groups like this can be more empathetic and less expensive than the mental health providers.
Zen meditation, yoga, exercise, diet, meaning and purpose in Life, friends and family all work, s l o w l y.
SSRIs , the right ones in the correct dosage help.

REPLY
1 reply
david707 | @david707 | Mar 22 5:15pm
In reply to @shmerdloff "No one in this life escapes trauma and the after effects. It depends on what age..." + (show)
@shmerdloff

No one in this life escapes
trauma and the after effects. It depends on what age it hit. Was it one sudden, or chronic? How intense was it? The after-effects in personality, behavior, and thinking, are not pathology, but rather the system's method of protection. That is why healing can be so difficult. We don't want to give up our protection, even to a good shrink, much less a bad one. This is"diagnosed" as RESISTANCE ie. Your fault.
It is not!
see Donald Kalsched on trauma and dissociation.
Chat groups like this can be more empathetic and less expensive than the mental health providers.
Zen meditation, yoga, exercise, diet, meaning and purpose in Life, friends and family all work, s l o w l y.
SSRIs , the right ones in the correct dosage help.

Jump to this post

As someone who was shamed much of my life because of my same-sex attraction, I have had therapy that ended in near suicide. I am learning various methods to manage my PTSD and anxiety, but I am still alive because of my partner's love, anti-depressants and some good counseling. I have learned a lot but the fear still pops up. Am doing my best to live in the present moment.

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