Connect
← Return to How do I deal with my husband? Transplant patient changed demeanor
Discussion
How do I deal with my husband? Transplant patient changed demeanor
Transplants | Last Active: Mar 31 12:08pm | Replies (32)Comment receiving replies
I can certainly relate to your situation. I very much recognize the type of thing you are describing. However, I'm not the one caring for a patient, I am the transplant patient. I just finished my 2nd year post kidney transplant. Early on I caught myself being impatient, angry, short tempered, and lots of other bad things that I never used to do. To this day I'm not sure if it is side effects to any or all of the laundry list of meds that I am taking or just something that has become more prominent as I get older or whatever. There are tons of articles about personality changes in organ recipients but that's for another discussion. My experience is that shortly after I lose my temper I realize what I've done and I immediately run to my wife and apologize as sincerely as I can for what I've just done. I have warned her that I am aware of it but I have trouble holding it back sometimes. I have told her that I didn't mean it when I told her to leave and if I ever do that again I will still not mean it either. I state very sincerely that I never want her to leave even if something is making me say that at some particular moment.
Now, I can't say anything about your husband specifically as I don't know either of two. However, it may not be him speaking when you hear that kind of stuff, but rather the meds or the stress to his system or who knows what other things. I wonder if you could get him to go with you to a couselor who could help you guys to try to sort it out. Also, maybe a break might help. My wife just took a one month long trip to Asia and I stayed home alone. Definitely was not my idea of fun, but I got through it. She had a great time and came back very happy and I think we are both appreciating each other a lot more after some time away from the daily struggle.
Replies to "I can certainly relate to your situation. I very much recognize the type of thing you..."
Connect
@m1rmiller it hurts so bad, so bad. Just this morning he told me he hate me and wish I would just get out of his life. I have not done anything to him to have him feel this way. I know mostly it's the meds, because this is not the man I married. He is so cold to me now. I can't have a decent conversation with him without an anger behavior lashing out at me. It has gotten so bad that my desire to cook, wash, or clean for him has just gone away. I use to love to cook, wash, and clean for him, but not anymore because he is always hitting below the belt. He has lost his table manners, social, and loving behaviors. He has become so secretive, distance , self centered and saying I am only staying in the marriage to rob him of his money. What we have we got together and if I was only in our marriage for money when his kidneys stop working, I could have walked out of the marriage and told him I did not sign up for this, but no I was in it for the long haul because I love my husband. We did 5 years own dialysis without this toxic behavior. I still had the man I fell in love with. Now , almost 3 years come August 6th since the transplant it's been living hell. I been living a nightmare. I've truly given my all and now I am just broken, torn, feeling betrayed. We were to share our golden years together, but I do not see it happening. I have suggested counseling and he says the only counseling he needs is for me to leave and never come back. That I disgust him. So , Mr. Miller please do not torment your wife like this and I am happy to know you recognize whats happening and apologize. My husband will not. I feel you will definitely seek counseling if your personality worsen. I pray for your marriage to continue to be as one and love remains in air. With mine, after dating through high school and 20 years of marriage, I believe all hope is lost between us.