I've watched several loved ones go through cancer, all of them died from it. My mother was the most impactful of all of them, breast cancer that was in remission for about ten years and then her life was out of a nightmare nobody wants. She was almost totally comatose for the last three years of her life and there was zero quality of life for her.

I swore I would never let myself get to that. My mother swore that too, after watching her best friend die from it. It's funny that, in the heat of the moment, we grasp at everything we can to keep kicking.

I told my wife ages ago, even before my first cancer, that I would go one round of treatment no matter what. And, to me, surgery isn't yet treatment (even if it's defined as such). After that round I would start skydiving every day with the company with the worst track record and let God take the wheel. I still feel that way, I may not when the that day comes, but I have to try treatment to see if it cures me.

Before the prostate cancer mess I was told there was an anomaly on my remaining kidney. Having survived a very rare kidney cancer and told, at that time, that if it came back it was lights out, this was obviously a concern. After MRI's, CT's and ultrasounds, they dismissed it as a likely nothing-burger, but my urologist just told me a couple days ago that it was only a pause and they now want to start checking that again to be sure. It feels like I'm in a constant state of crap-sandwich instead of nothing-burger, but I will, again, try treating it at least once before anything else.

All of this isn't just for me, it's for my family too. My dad lost his wife to cancer, it's breaking his heart that his son has fought the battle twice.