Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

This is a very interesting topic. I don’t struggle with it as much as my partner. Does. I have found a very welcoming community in our local Pickleball club. I am 71. Have bad knees, so I understand that everyone may be hesitant to play, but our club is very welcoming to all levels of activity so hopefully You can find a community that will let you play at your level. It checks off a lot of boxes. Gets you out of the house. Gets you moving and it is very social. Check it out.

There are book discussions at our local library & one can meet other
readers, which I find a positive form of socialization.
And, of course, any type of volunteer work is good for the individual
and a way to contribute to the community.

I, and others I have spoken with, agree that being alone is not bad at all and is actually "freedom". In addition a lot of personal endeavors are best done alone, like musicians, artists, ice skaters, etc. do. But there are ways to easily not be alone, if you want.

In most communities there's usually numerous groups you can be part of. Choose one or more that are interesting to you. You never know who you will meet! There are some really exceptional people out there that can add so much enjoyment to your life.

Then, with the internet anyone, anywhere can make a connection and beneficial contribution to any kind of group imaginable around the world, like I'm doing now. Sharing good, helpful information with people around the world that they can access in seconds is truly a miracle! Recently I had an issue with some specialized software. So I asked a particular online group about it. Within a day someone from Europe suggested a solution and it worked, I would have never been able to figure it out on my own.

So if you're alone and you don't want to be you don't have to be! Just put in a little thought and effort and it will pay off.

I am an introvert. I like weekly scheduled walks with a friend and scheduled get togethers every week with family.

I am 90 years old and have been widowed for three years. I am alone and without a support system. I am not good with people. There are groups available but I do not go. I know what will happen. I will be ignored. It happens every single time. I do not know why. If I did, I would try to correct it. It is easier to stay home than to come home again knowing you have been rejected. I am strong. Probably why I am now so old but in good shape.

The solution is to find people like you. It's true many people will ignore or reject people who they can't get anything from but that is certainly not all people. You just need to keep trying until you do. If you get rejected it means they are not for you and you should be thankful!

There certainly is some truth to that - that it might just not be the group for you! Find things you might enjoy like card groups, book clubs, social groups, sign up for day trips, try the park district activities, library technology classes, pool exercises, etc. Expect to be liked just by bringing your lovely smile and something might work out. I have several friends that are 90 and I am 12 years younger than them. There are people like me who think age has nothing to do with friendship, but a warm smile goes a long way.

Hello Marilyn I think I’ve identified with you several times before on this site. Wish you were my neighbor!
I’ve talked about this with you and others one other time.
I hate going to some ladies event where you hardly know anyone. I’ve left depressed, and never want to go back.
I’m only 81! I love saying that now!
It’s part of my new attitude.
Well anyway, we have a ladies group that meets once a month here in my HOA neighborhood.
I left early the first time feeling so sad. Did not go back for a year.
I’m not really shy but seems like I am with new people. Do not know what to do to start a conversation.
Finally one day I signed up to go again. Sat at a snack bar with like 6 other women. Just sat and listened for a while and then if I could chime in with a comment, I did. Eventually that helped me, break the ice.
At the end of the evening, I told the ladies that I did not want to come here tonight right up to the last minute!
And then I told them I was so glad I did. I got lots of hugs from them instantly and they were so happy that I said that to THEM. Made them feel good that they helped ME!
So I’m going to go again this week,
I’ll let you know how I did and what I did to make myself feel comfortable there.
I’m guessing others don’t know what to say either😘

Yes, your social life can change for the better. I knew someone who was about 85 and they met with their group of many friends who are about the same age almost daily in a recreation room in their high rise building. Their meetings were very light hearted and it seemed everyone got along well. It seemed to be the highlight of their day.

I've been eccentric and outspoken all my life.
Living now in a co-housing community, I was active in the community groups for a few years and found it not so comfortable, not the first time in my life.
But living in a rather close, small neighborhood has given me opportunities to form friendships with people on a one-to-one basis, which I do rather well, and across all generations.
Having a friendly dog helps break the ice, and being Mr. Fixit with a well-equipped shop has given me a valuable role in the community.
Years past I spent many hours in libraries researching unusual topics in music history. Now the internet has changed my world, allowing communication with fellow geeks around the world and digital access to historical manuscripts I never hoped to see.
I also maintain a few close friendships from my former career, usually via FaceTime.
And Mayo Connect has given me a richness which, I hope many of us find here.