Stage 4 prostate cancer

Posted by beaquilter @beaquilter, 6 days ago

My husband is 55 and just got diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer.
We haven't even met with oncologist yet
It all started about a month ago Feb 5, my husband went to the regular doctor because he knew he had an enlarged prostate and had frequent peeing and ED for quite a while (ED probably a year but last year he also lost his job and we were taking care of his elderly parents who eventually passed away in the fall, so we figured it was stress) He got a PSA test and a prostate exam, which did show it was enlarged, PSA came back high a few hours later (251) which meant cancer, then to days later he was scheduled a CT scan, that showed it had spread to the surrounding lymph nodes, and a few days later we met with urologist and he confirmed stage 4 but wanted to do a biopsy a week later, those results showed high gleason scores (8-9s and groups 4-5) so very aggressive cancer cells likely to spread.
Last week he had a PSMA PET scan done and it showed lots in lungs, bones, pelvic area, lymph nodes and I can hardly decipher the rest, but it's super bad. On March 17th we have an oncologist appointment and we're hoping for answers.
Of course we've googled a bunch and know that 30% only make it 5 years with stage 4 prostate cancer, but now that it's in the lungs and bones it's a bit over a year. I don't know even know if they CAN/WANT to do anything, they probably do WANT to do something because a cancer patient is a cash cow, but at what point do you say no and just treat pain symptoms?
My husband is scared of all the different drugs, and doesn't want to be a burden to me/us.....I told him I'd give my left arm if it would keep him alive for 10-20 years, and that he won't be a burden, I'm his wife, I've seen him naked lots of times.
We have 4 children ages 9-22, we had always thought we'd grow old together because his parents were in their 90s when they passed away last year, that we'd see our kids grow into adults, get married, him walking our daughters down the aisle, see future grandbabies be born!
It's all so sad and frustrating and the waiting is terrible!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.

hbp | @hbp | 6 days ago

It is very complicated. I am also G 9, CR, locally advanced etc but older than your husband. I think that the best thing that you can do is have an excellent cancer center with an excellent middle age urologist and oncologist taking care of you and you being good listeners. No matter how much you read on this matter, you are still not as knowledgeable as an excellent medical team at an excellent facility. If you have to travel to get this excellent medical service then travel. Good luck.

celia16 | @celia16 | 5 days ago

I’m sorry to read about your husband. This must be so shocking and distressing. I bet you’ll get responses from those who are going through something similar.

I haven’t dealt with it personally, but we have a family friend who had a similar diagnosis. It was very concerning and I wondered what in the world could be done. That was back in the spring of 2024. He was treated at Duke Cancer Center in NC. He had chemo and other treatments. I don’t know the names of the drugs. No surgery. He had awesome results and is doing great! He’s returned to work and his normal activities. He will continue with treatments and hormone meds, but all is well currently. His experience is so encouraging. His doctors are amazed.

It seems that there are many stories of survival with this type of cancer. Everyone is different, but I would encourage you to move towards a highly rated cancer treatment facility. Duke is one of the best in our area, but I’m sure there are others. Best wishes with your journey!

lfh | @lfh | 4 days ago

There’s excellent treatment options for metastatic prostate cancer. My life partner got diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in late 2024 and received chemotherapy and hormones reduction therapy and is in remission. It important to find a good oncologist that specializes in prostate cancer and to treat it with all possible options. Hang in there.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | 4 days ago

@beaquilter You seem to want to know more prostate cancer and possible treatment. You may want to check out this Prostate Cancer Support Group. Many of the members are just like you—they want and need some answers. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/prostate-cancer/
You may certainly stay with the Caregivers Support Group! But you may get the information you want from the other group. Join both!