Why aren't doctors helping?

Oh my goodness, @yhopefullstill. I’m so sad for you and your mom. Getting news like this is always a shock and it’s difficult to wrap your mind around. Let’s talk about what’s going on for a moment.
Can you tell me a little more about what is happing with your mum? What type of cancer was found and where in her body is it located? What were your mom’s symptoms leading up to her diagnosis? Was she ill for quite some time before being seen by a doctor?

Get a second opinion. I’m in the UK and the NHS sometimes make people feel that they are going to pass. A second opinion and treatment somewhere else is something you could try. I certainly would. God bless.

I am so sorry. What a shock. No wonder you are questioning how this can be. I hope you can get some answers to help you navigate your journey with your mom. Sending much love to you. ♥️

@yhopefullstill, how is your mom doing? Do you have more information about her diagnosis? What type of cancer does she have?

Well, she changed this last week into a different person by day.. sometimes seeming by the hour! I found her records from er visits that refer her to her oncologist due to the cancer they saw in Pelvis, renal gland, kidney & abdominal wall 😞 Her belly hurt (she says) of constipation!. After 4 days of giving her magnesium citrate she finally had BM, normal next day. Then nothing again. It was then she took to bed only going to front room once. 3rd day, Morphine increased,& Ativan. Which she didn't want all the time. Woke 4th day afternoon struggling to speak, understand. Rough pain day/night.Day 5 woke with mouth full of yuck, barely can swallow &,hadn't eaten but few bites applesauce after morphine kill the taste! By now I'm giving her drink by straw dipping. Before bed, she's yelling help me constantly, talking to her passed Mom, calling me momma. Up all night with her screaming! By daylight she could not speak! Making moans. By afternoon labored breathing,(O2 levels 34++--). She seems catatonic! She was gone by 8pm that night 😞How can that happen that fast? I'm so angry/sad! My Mommy,My Best friend gone?!!!! Uhhhhggg

Just wasn't soon enough! I think mistakes were made! I don't know if it's emotions talking but one morning talking, hospice "chaplain" , social worker and within 20 minutes of them leaving she's near catatonic and seeing her momma screaming help me help me. Then can't speak a word. Passed by 8 pm next evening!!! Looking as if her soul has already left her but body hangs on!?! I don't know a word to describe how I'm feeling. There were suspicious things happened that didn't seem like it until after. The 2 last visiting is where my concerns are! Am I just over thinking?? Looking to blame?? I almost want to ask for autopsy😞🙏I thank y'all for your immediate response to my issue. If anyone out there has experienced this? Idk how to go on without her!

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom and best friend. Sometimes words just aren’t enough to convey the level of sympathy. But having lost my mom to cancer, I can feel your pain, emptiness and the helplessness when there was literally nothing you could do to make her better. I think being able to be with a loved one when it’s their time is a final gift we can give.

From all you’ve shared, it sounds like your mom’s cancer was very advanced. When cancer has taken over multiple organs like that and with your mom’s symptoms, her doctors used compassion in arranging hospice for her to ease her end times. I’ve been through this many times with loved ones and friends. Sadly, there comes point in the illness when chemo or surgery would not be successful and cause more trauma than the body can handle. There is simply nothing more that can be done except to try to keep someone comfortable with medication.

Again, I’m just so sorry for your loss. I’m a firm believer that when we lose someone close to us, like our mother, they continue to live on through us and give us unbelievable strength. They’re so connected to us that they become a part of us. Sending you a gentle hug.

She passed away late Friday night!. It was terrible for her the couple days before! I'm a total mess. I pray I can find some kind of support to go on with this site💔

Thank you so much for your kind words & I am sorry you lost your Mommy! It was so painful to watch. I know she was in so much pain. I told her she did a wonderful job raising me& that I would be okay! I talk or text with her at least once a day every day! Your words about the doctors helping with hospice sounds like what my Mommy would tell me. It did ease the anger& mistrust I was feeling towards them. Thank you for that❣️

Again, I’m just so sorry for your loss. I woke up this morning thinking about you and the devastating emotions of early grieving. They come on like waves. I remember reading a line in a poem a few years ago that stuck in my head as a profound truth: “Grief is love, with no place to go.”

There are wonderfully helpful and supportive members in the forum who have been finding solace with each other with the loss of parents, spouses, best friends, pets…oh gosh, loss…it comes in so many forms. We all cope in different ways and often it can help to talk through emotional passages in life with others who are feeling as raw and and hollowed out from loss.
This is a link to the Loss & Grief conversations where you can share your story and feel the uplifting strength of support.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/
Do you have any siblings or family members or friends nearby so that you’re not alone? Did your mom have friends with whom you can talk?