In a relationship with someone whose child suffers from BiPolar

Oof, you’re in a tough spot.
Did her problems coincide with you moving in? Are you guys simpatico?
I guess just taking a step back and deciding where you see the relationship with your gf going- sounds like you love her so consider maybe what you think she would do if it were your daughter? Idk, sometimes That helps.

Sounds like the daughter needs much better and more thorough, consistent care. Especially considering the police involvement- must be really hard for everyone!
Is she getting psychosis? Did the hospitalizations help at all?

We can’t predict what the future will hold, so try helping her by helping your partner take action.
Daughter needs a good doctor. Thets a fast escalation and worrisome.
Met:you leaving, yeah any big changes or little ones for that matter can really be destabilizing
Nit sure your location but she needs the right meds badly.
Good luck to you, the adolescent years can really mess with bipolar

First let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a very stressful situation. Under these circumstances I would definitely recommend for you and your partner to see a counselor, if possible, to talk about ways to navigate with your partner's daughter moving forward. Since your partner's daughter is a young adult, I have to wonder if you moving in has in any way caused her to fear that she is expected to move out of the home and become more independent. If your partner has been her main support system throughout the years, your relationship with your partner may be causing her to have fears of abandonment. When someone has a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, they are constantly trying to navigate mood lability and the affects it can have on their daily ability to function. For this reason, any changes (expected or unexpected) in their life and in the relationships they trust may cause bipolar episodes, mood lability, and an overall difficulty in managing the change in their life (in this case, the change in their home environment). That doesn't mean it can't be worked out, but I would definitely go to a counselor for additional guidance.

Since the daughter is connected to a therapists and to the mental health system she sounds like any other bipolar teenager. I presume she was diagnosed prior to your coming into the picture and is on medications. These are very difficult patients to treat and to parent. If you’re committed to the mother more power to you but this is normal for a teenage bipolar patient. It’s normally a difficult time for teenage females and them diagnosis complicates things. You might consider seeing a therapist with the mother so you can learn more about what you can do in your role. Be aware it’s one tuff road to hoe.

I hope your daughter gets better soon.

I am a grandmother of a grandchild that was diagnosed two years ago. She just turned 24 this year, the mother was handling the daughter's medical needs, and my granddaughter was living with the maternal grandmother.
She has been unable to work and stayed in a state that was either unstable- going off meds, having episodes and back into the hospital. It is very common for bi-polar seems to also go hand in hand with addictions such as coffee, caffeine, vaping, or any other smoking, eating too much or not at all. My granddaughter has had episodes or psychosis. Jordan turned manic when she had had a lot of coffee two weeks ago.
This year my son and I agreed to help her, so we moved her into the city near me, and she will be entering a program that will access her day to day for two weeks. We will then know if we can get her past this point and help her stabilize so she can live a more normal life. I will keep everyone posted on the outcome. It will be a few weeks before they will have space for her in this hospital program. Every town has real support meeting groups and also virtual groups for families and people that are bi-polar. There is a website that posts daily tips for living with bi-polar. I am going to attend my first meeting this Saturday. The newsletter is called Bi-polar Hope.

@urbanjane thank you for asking questions. I’m 40 and was diagnosed with bipolar I in my early 30s. My advice is this. Love her for who she is, not who she thought she was or you thought she was going to be. Don’t lower your expectations for her but change them to help her cope with her condition. Recognize her as a person first, not just someone with a mental disorder. Let her know she can come to you without being judged or put down for things she does or may do. Getting stable on meds is the first battle to overcome. I went through it myself. It takes time and dedication. And even when you find meds that work for you, meds don’t eliminate the symptoms, they reduce them. What’s normal for her will probably look a little different than it does for the majority but there’s nothing wrong with that.

I have a daughter who has bi polar and she is 50 years old. She has her own apartment and also lives with me sometimes. She is doing very well but she is very attached to me. I am 91 years old in good health but worry about how she will cope when i am not around. She has loads of friends and has a brother. She is overly generous to her friends and is a big spender. I worry that people take advantage of her generosity and always wants to please people. She has no ability to say no.
So I am very worried what will happen when I am not here to help her in making decisions.
Thanks for any suggestions

Oh for sure. I struggle with over spending myself too. Make sure she has people in her life (like you said, her friends) that can help her regulate that).
Also, having a therapist she trusts and likes can be very beneficial too. I’ve been in therapy since my diagnosis and it’s been invaluable! A therapist or a bipolar support group are both good options.

Thanks so much for your reply.

Hello Lucier179,

I wonder if you daughter works? You might set up a trust which can pay her bills and provide money for her weekly or monthly for other spending needs. I have a trust my parents set up for me which was to help me with the Lupus type conditions that I have had since a pesticide exposure in 1993. I was to have access to once they had passed away which was only two years ago. I no longer am using the money because of the way the trust was worded. I do plan to leave that trust money in a new trust to my grandchildren at my death. I am 76, so this is part of my will. This is a backup for my granddaughter once I am no longer here so she has support.