Hi @lact. You wrote: “ So, basically I’m trying to figure out how to live not knowing for sure if I do or don’t have lymphoma!” I’m not being glib, but I would recommend you simply go on living as though you don’t have lymphoma. Your life hasn’t changed since the MRI and testing except the added anxiety of the unknown. And there is no evidence of cancer at this time.

You are currently in an active surveillance mode (sounds much better than watch and wait) and IF something changes, THEN you’ll deal with it. Until that time, life is too important to waste a day worrying about ‘what if’. I am speaking from experience and refuse to give up any of my precious time to worrying. I remember this little affirmation a few years ago and it’s stuck with me:
“Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
And worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles.
It takes away today’s peace.” Unknown…

Frankly, each one of us could potentially have a ticking time bomb in our bodies at any given time. If we looked at it that way, we’d all be waiting for the other shoe to drop and life would stand still.
There are treatments for lymphoma, Hodkins or non-Hodkins, so if that time comes, there are options ahead of you. But for now, think of springtime just around the corner and the time for renewal!

Of course, you’ll always have “Scanxiety” waiting for results with your 3 mo CT/bloodwork. But it doesn’t mean you live in fear between appointments! Keep your self immersed in the acitives that bring meaning and joy to your life or the lives of others. What are your favorite hobbies or things that you enjoy most?