Thanks for responding. Glad that you understood my venting. But now my venting has turned into grief as my husband passed away on Sunday the 23rd. I knew it was coming soon. I took him to a good samaritan house which is part of hospice last wednesday and he passed sunday. But it was a wonderful place and he got the best care he could get. I think my husband weighed about 75 pounds if that when he passed. He suffered so much that I wish they could have gotten him in that place long before this. But I know he wouldn't have went. He did not want to go last week, but we told him it would only be for 3 days and that it would be a break for me. That is why he agreed to go. To give me a break. Little did he know that he would not be back. But at least he was no longer suffering and he was at peace. Now I grieve, then I feel relieved and then I feel guilty for feeling relieved. But like you said, I watched him fading away day by day. He kept falling and I could not always pick him up and I knew that I could not give him the care he needed. It was so hard to see him in that much pain but now he is at peace.