The misunderstanding what you said—yes, I can relate to that! I give my husband simple directions to, say, get something from the kitchen or wherever, but he can't seem to focus or retain them. And that's when I know he's actually heard whatever I said. He tells me stories from his childhood (which I've heard many times), but then he'll tell me stories about things that happened since we've been together. That's when I ask if he knows who I am, and sure enough, he doesn't. Sometimes he knows my first name, but he doesn't know my relationship to him. When I tell him how long we've been married (over 30 years), he's surprised.

It wears on a person after a while, and then we feel guilty because we know they can't help it. We have helpful neighbors, but family is in another state (where we moved from). We have considered moving back there, and now that our old dog has passed, we can make frequent trips there (it's about a 3-hour drive one-way) to check things out. Yet I'm not sure being around family will make things any better. He already doesn't remember many of them—his kids usually, but not their spouses or the adult grandkids, all of whom he spent a lot of time with both before and after we moved.

I'm coming to the conclusion that the best way to plan what to do next is to imagine myself alone and then decide how and where I would want to live. My husband will be 90 in a little over a year, while I'm approaching 80, so I might be the last one standing. But if something happens to me first, I know his children will have to put him in assisted living or memory care. He could not live on his own, and they aren't young either.