I've been on Xanax since age 15 I'm 54 :( help

I am sorry sorry. I feel your pain. I was tapered off clonazepam in 2018. Way over medicated by primarily psych but a lot of other meds as well. Currently my escitalporam dose was reduced to 5mg .From 10mg. Lifestyle changes work for me. I am continuously working on them. Overmedicated for profit of big pharma.

@ellerchim
How did you manage to gain back the weight? I am trying but have not been successful. I could see how horrible my arms and legs looked but I had no idea how I looked from the back until I took a mirror and looked at myself from the back. I was horrified. I have nothing but a mass of wrinkled skin hanging off me. I feel terrible that my husband has to be subjected to seeing me like this. The loss of my hair is also a major issue and hard to accept. I have a birthday coming up but who cares — I am older than you — I will be 78 soon. Also our 57th anniversary is in March. Again, who cares.
Claudia

How long has it been since you’ve been off? Since I did do a taper, I started eating about seven months into my year long taper not a whole lot, but whatever I craved I ate I didn’t care if it was junk food I would eat a whole carton of donuts every single day. I was really into bacon for some reason so I ate a lot of that and hamburger. Food I never really ate all my life. People say to eat healthy and blah blah blah you eat whatever your body wants to eat, especially at this stage and the reason I kept eating a whole lot is I wanted my skin to plump back up, but unfortunately, it was very minor. Also made a couple of shakes every day with ice cream, frozen fruit, bananas, walnuts. Amazon has protein shakes with 500 cal a can which I was also using during my taper to help put weight on.
Unfortunately, the problem is we get older. Our skin doesn’t have the elasticity that it had when we were young so at this point, we cannot expect it to never snap back fully but if you still haven’t put weight on, try to eat, whatever you can it does help a little or it might help you a lot. If you can’t tolerate food, just make a ton of shakes or order those shakes off of Amazon that are really high calorie. They’re not the best but just like junk food anything you put in your body‘s gonna help you put weight on. One more thing I might add since I’ve been off of this for a few months. I just have very little emotions for anything. anniversary. I understand.Nothing really excites me anymore holidays, going out with a man, this stuff just really changed me for the worse. I am so sorry you have to go through this and I can sympathize with you so much. Let me know how it goes please and if you can’t get food in try the shakes. Try not to worry about what your husband thinks. It’s more important you worry and care about yourself. I know if my husband was still alive he would’ve left me over all this because it was all about him so I’m very thankful. I am by myself right now with my dogs who don’t judge who or what I look like. I had no one in my life when I was going through this, Nobody, all my friends left. The only thing I had were my dogs that helped pull me through this with constant love. Otherwise I don’t think I would’ve made it. The thoughts that go through your head when you’re on this are awful. I don’t wish this on anybody. I just wish more people would understand how dangerous these are.. take care of yourself and please keep in contact.

@ellerchim
What medication were you on that destroyed your appetite? Thanks for the info on gaining weight. I find it easy to drink protein drinks. I have to be careful of eating carbs due to my type 2 diabetes but I may have my husband get some higher calorie protein drinks.

I do worry about my husband because he is 86 years old with Parkinson’s disease. I should be taking care of him, which I used to before Sept. of last year. He is running himself ragged taking care of me and he has worsening insomnia. I feel a bit safer when he is home with me as I am afraid of being alone and freaking out. I miss having a dog to comfort me. We lost our Sheltie Logan 4 years ago. He was 13 years old and the 2nd sheltie we had. Before that, we had a Scottish Terrier and a Border Collie. Neither my husband nor I are in any condition to walk a dog so we just have each other — no children or even relatives where we live. Wishing you well.

@ellerchim
I have been off anti depressants for about a month but may have to go back on something for a while. I fell off the wagon last week and took Ativan. I am trying not to do it again but when your legs feel like they can’t hold you up and your hands are trembling, it’s hard to just feel that way. I know the Ativan isn’t effective anymore. Today, I had some bills to pay and my right hand was in a spasm. I printed out the checks and just used cursive to sign them. My husband was helping me with the bills but he’s shaky too from stress and the Parkinson’s.
Please take care of yourself as well.

I forgot you had Diabetes.
I am so sorry to hear your husband has Parkinson’s disease. My mother had that. she struggled tremendously. She had it pretty bad. I am so sorry you had to go through this benzo deal.. I was on lorazepam, which is a generic version of Ativan. One of the hardest and the most dangerous benzos to get off of.
Yes, dogs are lotta work. I don’t know how I did it when I was sick with this,sometimes I would have to crawl into the kitchen on the floor to get their food. So terrible we had to experience this in our senior years . I also meant to say my feet have been numb also since I’ve been on this benzo. I don’t know if that’ll ever go away, but I know the benzo caused it.. Please take care of yourself and your husband.

I already wrote you a long reply. I didn’t see that you’ve only been off antidepressants for a month so you could still have some lingering symptoms like not being able to stand up and your hands trembling. I had that on the Lorazepam. Like I said all these feel good medicines might help you for a short time.

@ellerchim
I was taking Ativan, too. It’s interesting how quickly it stops working. When it was working, one .5 mg pill only gave me a few hours of relief from my anxiety. It would help me sleep if I took another pill right before bedtime but only for about 3 hours. It’s almost 9:30 here in Arizona and my anxiety is starting to build as I know I won’t get any sleep tonight. No one believes me, except my husband, when I tell them I get zero hours of sleep. Even the psychiatrist I see, when I am able to leave the house, contradicted me and said it was impossible. I think I told you I went to detox to stop using the Ativan. No insurance was accepted and the 7 day stay was $13,000. I know the process worked for the alcoholics who were there to stop drinking but I think I was too naive and got duped into going. From your account of what you went through to get off the pills and others who have a similar story to yours, there is no way the program was meant for me. So, maybe some of what I am going through is withdrawal. I want to thank you for being so open in discussing what you went through. Stay well.

Ativan is a very short acting benzo. You might get four hours out of it. I wish I could’ve talked to you before you went into a rehab place. They have no idea about how benzos work and they have no idea how to get you off. They’re only there for opiates and other street drugs. Although I understand how you end up going there because I was ready to also, I was in such bad shape.
As far as sleep, it’s still one of the struggles I deal with, but I found a few things at work at least for me . There are many herbal teas out and some specifically designed for sleep. Right now I’m drinking a tea called Nighty Night which really seems to be helping. I just have one one or 2 cups before I go to sleep. Amazon carries this and a lot of grocery stores have it another tea I used to drink a lot when I was tapering, its called Sleepy Time. If I do get up in the middle of the night, I’ll just take one ibuprofen and believe it or not that puts me back to sleep and relaxes me all over, never had any side effects from that not even when I was tapering . Try drinking the tea in the daytime right now when you’re having anxiety I find it just relaxes me the majority of psychiatrist I have seen no nothing about what we go through. I live in Nevada and I have I’ve been through almost every single one, trying to get help And because they don’t know and haven’t been taught in medical school, how to help people off of these they’re quick to reply with a curt answer like it’s impossible but there’s no way you can have this off of these drugs. Or try to get you on another drug. best to stay away from these glorified drug dealers you get a commission on how many drugs they can push you push on you. It is possible to find one that actually knows how to help you but that’s one in a million from so many people I have heard from. Again try some of the teas you can order them off of Amazon and they’re extremely cheap the NIGHTY NITE was I think five dollars. I don’t think you’re going through withdrawals as much as you’re probably just having side effects which I’m still having. It can take your body up to 2 years to repair itself from this poison. Let me know how the teas work out and taking an ibuprofen every now and then.

@ellerchim
I am still the throes of a panic attack that has lasted about 10 hours. Finally, I took a .5 Ativan at 10;30am Arizona time, but I didn’t want to. I can’t go to the Emergency Room as they will send me to a lock down and force anti psychotic drugs on me like they did to a former friend who is still struggling with side effects from the drugs. I failed to keep my promise to myself about the Ativan and feel like such a failure.