Son estranged due to controlling spouse

I can’t help you feel better because you never will , it’s cold and cruel

I am going through it and decided no more , I am not leaving the door open for a glimmer of hope or a card

My son knows it’s wrong he has called me crying he has sent me flowers, and he has also said some pretty crazy stuff too he has told me the wife will leave with the baby if he speaks to me

He has to stand up and end this marriage or stay away from me and the family , it’s too toxic , my son will call me to help him out but immediately turns on me if the wife is around , I am over it once and for all

My son needs to stand up to his wife or leave , my door is shut I am not contributing to his life with her anymore just to be treated so badly , she is horrendous and is a nightmare

A healthy way to cope with it is to move on in your mind , don’t accept the toxic behaviour your only 10 mins away , expect more from him and expect more from yourself ,

I will say this , life has a way of turning things around suddenly , and life changes all the time , so just enjoy yourself , find something that makes you happy , go out and find a group of people of all ages so you can mix with people your age and your sons age with kids , have a bbq and have people over and bring some life back into your home and so your loving energy is flowing because all your son has done is hurt you and taken that sway and you deserve to bring it back into your life

I actually don’t want to see my son while he is choosing to stay in that marriage and saying he is happy while they are hurting me and the rest of our family … if that makes him happy then that’s toxic , how can he be happy or even after to hurting the people who love him and who have always been there for him .. it’s not ok , and we have to bring love and life back into our homes and community and respect ourselves , if mine were 10 mins away I would make sure they saw me being happy and surrounded by caring people living my best life

It’s become so toxic not hearing from mine is a blessing

He got a message on his work phone and thought it was me , and i was happy to get the call but I said nope it was not me , I won’t call you , the chat was good till his wife walked in the room then he turned into a horrible person over the phone and had to go very suddenly and never called me back

So I sent him a big message telling him our horrendous he has been and how we no longer trust him or want anything to do with them and my door is shut we don’t want them in our lives

It’s empowering to stand up for yourself and it’s the truth , my son knows I don’t deserve this cruelty why can’t my son call me from work to check in on me , why can’t he see me in his lunch hour , there are no excuses for a lack of basic common decency

I have let my son know he has no excuses for the situation at all and he is responsible , I don’t care if I don’t see her , my son has no excuses , and I know he never got a message on his work phone from someone with the same name and job as me at all .. it was an excuse to call me , he is clearly having trouble at home and that’s his tough luck , he should have booted her years ago when she was first rude to his friends and family instead of letting it happen , if anyone ever was rude to my kids or family they didn’t last long they were gone and I couldn’t stay with anyone who treated my family and children badly , my last partner didn’t but his mother did and that’s why I cut off my mother in law for being toxic to my family , but i didn’t stop him seeing her , there is no excuse to not make time show up and be polite regardless of history or personalities , its time to be around people who understand that

I'm dealing with the same basically now my grandson was just born and my granddaughter is 3 I've met just briefly . They put my elderly parents in the middle by sneaking for visits that the make my folks not tell me. It's so cruel

I am feeling so sad and shocked b/c I am experiencing the same thing. My son & his wife have been married over a year. They just had a baby girl and now they have alienated me. Just me. I divorced my husband 8 mos ago but he gets to see our grand baby and I do not. My ex and I are very close so I don’t think our divorce is the reason this is happening. An additional problem is that I know ‘my’ daughter in law’s mom from childhood so I’m being bad mouthed to someone who knows me. Plus her daughter and I pretty much hate each other now. I am devastated

Hello,
Maybe some of you already know that there are tons of books about adult child estrangement. I personally like Dr. Joshua Coleman. He has webinars and lessons that you can pay a small amount of money ($75 for several lessons) and gives free advice. His advice is solid, but difficult to hear. It is extremely sad and difficult. I now have two sons that married "cult of one" women who are now controlling their lives. My youngest son told me a year ago, he would never act like his brother, but then he suddenly married an older woman with 4 children who seduced him at work. I am very shocked by his decisions. The pain is unbearable at times. I would like to have a support group just for this topic. I need support for implementing the ideas of Dr. Coleman. He says if you've tried everything, you need to go "no contact" on them for at least a year, That is where I struggle. I was so close to my sons, that I reach out and get whiny, which makes me disgusted with myself for acting like that and gives fuel to the spouse to say I have problems. It would be a group like AA where we can mentor each other and reach out before we "act out" which in this case would be send a whiny message asking why they are treating their mother so badly.
Is there any interest? I live in Dubuque, Iowa and would love to have a face to face meeting too.
Let me know what all of you think.
Coleen

My theory is the daulter-in-laws favor men and like to be adored by men. They see other women as a threat. I am experiencing this with both of my sons. The daughter-in-laws have no women friends. One of them doesn't talk to her own mother at all. The other one favors her dad and has said her own mother has "problems". Both of the daughter-in-laws were married before and say horrible things about their previous mother-in-laws. This isn't about us...this is about young women that have been raised to think that it is all about them. Both of my daughter-in-laws "love bomb" my sons. My sons dont' get it. One of my sons did ask me why his wife does that...but he doesn't really want to hear the answer. Look up Dr. Joshua Coleman and listen to his "Cult of One" podcasts on YouTube. It helps to understand, but it doesn't help with the pain.

I don't think most therapists totally get this or help. I really believe a support group similar to AA or Alanon support groups is the answer. No one knows how this feels. Some parents get angry and seem to handle it with their anger. I can't do that, but I know that taking care of myself and not ruminating about it is best for me.
I am looking to start a support group soon. I would like it to be a group that sometimes gets together face to face, but it could also be online. I am looking for those who would like that kind of support to deal with the pain. It doesn't go away, but we can deal with it.

Thank you.
Not sure that is the problem. She is very close to her mother. Both she and her mother (& her sister) are nurses.

I would be interested

I am ordering the materials from Dr. Coleman to start a local support group. I will get back to you once I get things figured out.
I'd like to start the first week of April.

Maybe not...