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"It's hard to be a wife when you are in charge of doing everything by yourself. "
That's a perfect sentence to describe the way I feel.
I'm new to the group, and have been reading through posts, and this thread caught my attention. My husband has had lung cancer, COPD, spine surgery, heart problems,ED, leg swelling .... starting with the lung cancer diagnosed in 2011. It's been a slow death of his capabilities, and our relationship. I'm not at all maternal (no kids), and I have never felt the need or desire to be responsible for or control another person's life. But now, I'm responsible for both of us ... and everything around the house and ... everything, period. But yet, I never seem to do anything right, in his opinion. I get so angry ! His frustration at not being able to do things manifests as super-controlling behavior toward me. And then he wants to be intimate! (Which is kinda tough, considering ....)
It does help to "spit it out" ... thanks for listening
Replies to ""It's hard to be a wife when you are in charge of doing everything by yourself...."
Hi. It truly is much more complicated managing care when you are left feeling unappreciated. I’m not sure if you had tried getting a caregiver and a nurse to help you at home. There must be a social worker or case manager who is assigned to your husband. If you’re not sure, I believe that you can let his primary doctor or oncologist know that you need help caring for him at home so you can get started learning the different options you have.
There is a caregiver support group on this site that may be helpful to you in dealing with your frustrations and getting more information. There are professional therapists to help you with what you’re feeling along with all those frustrations and anger.
I hope that you continue to seek help. This is a good start. Take care.
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Wow! You have been doing this for a long time. You must be exhausted. It does not help when they yell etc. Thankfully, I only had to deal with all of that since September of last year. Sadly, my husband passed on Sunday Feb. 23. I guess I never quite grasped the horrible pain he was in as he tried to downplay it. When he was first diagnosed his cancer was already in the last stages and had started to spread. The doctor told him with treatment, he may last 2 years but without, he may have 6 months. Joe took two treatments and decided he could not do it anymore. Hospice was called in and thank God they were. They began coming in January after he decided not to go for any more treatments. They came twice a week and last wednesday they said that they wanted him to go the good samaritan house. He agreed and I drove him there that day. They had 10 beds there and he was the only patient and so he got the undivided attention of the nurses. They were so kind and they all had great faith in God. It was a beautiful house. I was happy because I could not give him the care he needed at home. I saw him again on last Friday and was planning to go on Sunday when I got the call that he had passed. It all happened very quickly. But it was the best thing that could have happened for him and me. They can give lots of pain meds there and anything else he might need or want. So he died comfortably and in peace. But for you, I don't know how I could have dealt with what you are going through for all those years. I would probably be in the nut ward. God bless you and give you the strength you need. They do have caretaker zoom meetings on here. I believe the link is under the caretaker blog. You might find some comfort in that. If not, drink heavily. (just kidding) 🙂