I dont know if people are still using this thread but last November I was admitted to the hospital after a week of delirium and psychosis at home. I became extremely violent at the hospital and they had to sedate me, which ended up with me being ventilated and kept under sedation for two weeks. I was told my sedation for the first week was kept so light I was half in and half out of reality. The dreams, visions, whatever they were didn't end. I remember being told you can move your legs, but don't sit up. Don't try and sit up. I flitted from nightmare to nightmare, each worse than the last, every one of them ending with me nearly dying but not managing it. I was mutilated by surgeons on a plane where they conducted experiments they couldn't do in any country, i walked so far and for so long my body disintegrated. There were so many and I think about them constantly. Im still waiting for therapy, I've been given so many different medications I have liver damage now. My family have been supportive but there's some things that they just don't understand and I don't want them to know.
My dreams at night now are so vivid, so painful I wake up not knowing what reality I'm in. I talk and scream in my sleep, I kick my legs like I did while I was on the ventilator. Life will never be the same.
The ots came to see me 3 times after I woke up, the last time they made me stand, which i just about managed. They then moved me feom the bed on the icu to a ward, where they tried to turn me away, because I couldn't get myself to the bathroom. Something in me snapped and I demanded a walker, I got up myself and walked to the bathroom. This is the only thing I have ever done that proves to me just how strong I am, as ir was the first time I had walked since being under and I did it alone. I think about it often.
Im sorry for rambling but I've been looking desperately for some support since this happened so I'm hoping someone somewhere will see this and be able to relate. Is there any hope of recovery feom.thia nightmare? Is this life now?
Thank you for reading
Holly