1. < Depression & Anxiety

Any advice for me in Ireland who doesn’t feel heard or understood?

Posted by stefanstarovoitov @stefanstarovoitov, 5 days ago

Hi there, no point in hiding so I’m going to say I’m Stefan and currently living in Ireland. I have follow Mayo Clinic for a while in terms of better understanding how mental health. I really don’t feel I’m heard and understood so it frustrates me. I’m just wondering if anyone would have advice on how to feel valued and not just a waste of time? I have tried all the usual methods.

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stefanstarovoitov | @stefanstarovoitov | 2 days ago
In reply to @kb2014 "I am in the US. Most of the 15 cognitive distortions run rampant here. In particular..." + (show)
@kb2014

I am in the US. Most of the 15 cognitive distortions run rampant here. In particular black and white thinking with no respect for anything or anyone else. It is my way or the highway.

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How do you deal with it?

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1 reply
dlydailyhope | @dlydailyhope | 2 days ago
In reply to @stefanstarovoitov "Hi there so I’m from Ireland 🇮🇪, I am content at the moment but also question...." + (show)
@stefanstarovoitov

Hi there so I’m from Ireland 🇮🇪, I am content at the moment but also question. Why I can’t be more than that. Anyway, I appreciate the question I’m going to ask is controversial. But I’m going to ask it anyway, why can’t people be happy with my opinion and choice? Why can’t I just say that I’m not happy and that while I probably need help, I’m accepting the truth and wants to work on it my own way and not by other people trying to control my life

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@stefanstarovoitov
To me it is about boundaries and respect of individual freedom to live life as we choose knowing and owning the full consequences of our choices. If someone doesn’t respect a person’s boundaries, relationships are damaged. Distance and reinforcing boundaries is helpful. People can share their concerns and observations but ultimately, each person must choose how they are going to live their lives and deal with life’s challenges. Everyone deals with things differently.

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1 reply
stefanstarovoitov | @stefanstarovoitov | 2 days ago
In reply to @dlydailyhope "@stefanstarovoitov To me it is about boundaries and respect of individual freedom to live life as..." + (show)
@dlydailyhope

@stefanstarovoitov
To me it is about boundaries and respect of individual freedom to live life as we choose knowing and owning the full consequences of our choices. If someone doesn’t respect a person’s boundaries, relationships are damaged. Distance and reinforcing boundaries is helpful. People can share their concerns and observations but ultimately, each person must choose how they are going to live their lives and deal with life’s challenges. Everyone deals with things differently.

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That is very true and thank you I needed to hear that. I’m so self aware of everything tbh so I understand you completely

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frouke | @frouke | 1 day ago

I’m a senior woman today and living my life the best way I can, I always tried too hard to be accepted by everyone and I took way too much ignorance from others…I have finally learned how to live my life on my own terms. It’s an ongoing process because old habits are hard to break but perseverance helps. When I was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 along with the pandemic I thought I’d lose my mind however I did underestimated my sense of survival…I slowly started moving away from people who simply sucked the energy out of me, I used to accept this especially with family but I now had a lot more to deal with and I couldn’t do both…truthfully it’s not an easy process especially when you love some of these people but I had to learn how to love myself, this was lacking in my life. I’m very cautious about who gets close to me and it’s hard at times because I’m quite social but survival is important and we we have to keep going so I try to forgive myself and also I pray a lot and this also helps me to find peace in my life.

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1 reply
gently | @gently | 1 day ago
In reply to @stefanstarovoitov "Hi there so I’m from Ireland 🇮🇪, I am content at the moment but also question...." + (show)
@stefanstarovoitov

Hi there so I’m from Ireland 🇮🇪, I am content at the moment but also question. Why I can’t be more than that. Anyway, I appreciate the question I’m going to ask is controversial. But I’m going to ask it anyway, why can’t people be happy with my opinion and choice? Why can’t I just say that I’m not happy and that while I probably need help, I’m accepting the truth and wants to work on it my own way and not by other people trying to control my life

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Stefan, there is something wonderful about how much people want to help us solve our problems.
If we talk about these problems, most will think we are asking for advice, when often we are just asking to be heard, understood.
If you disregard the elements of their opinions, distill their expression to its essential caring, it easy to appreciate their efforts. You don't have to consider the value of what they say to let their (bad) advice make you feel cared about.
It can even be funny to get advice from someone who has never come close to experiencing what you have. You can play with expressions like, "How do you know this?" I find it best to say, "Oh, I can see how much you care."

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1 reply
stefanstarovoitov | @stefanstarovoitov | 1 day ago
In reply to @gently "Stefan, there is something wonderful about how much people want to help us solve our problems...." + (show)
@gently

Stefan, there is something wonderful about how much people want to help us solve our problems.
If we talk about these problems, most will think we are asking for advice, when often we are just asking to be heard, understood.
If you disregard the elements of their opinions, distill their expression to its essential caring, it easy to appreciate their efforts. You don't have to consider the value of what they say to let their (bad) advice make you feel cared about.
It can even be funny to get advice from someone who has never come close to experiencing what you have. You can play with expressions like, "How do you know this?" I find it best to say, "Oh, I can see how much you care."

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Thank you for understanding

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msh466 | @msh466 | 1 day ago
In reply to @stefanstarovoitov "Hi there so I’m from Ireland 🇮🇪, I am content at the moment but also question...." + (show)
@stefanstarovoitov

Hi there so I’m from Ireland 🇮🇪, I am content at the moment but also question. Why I can’t be more than that. Anyway, I appreciate the question I’m going to ask is controversial. But I’m going to ask it anyway, why can’t people be happy with my opinion and choice? Why can’t I just say that I’m not happy and that while I probably need help, I’m accepting the truth and wants to work on it my own way and not by other people trying to control my life

Jump to this post

I guess it depends on circumstances in your particular situation. If your a juvenile family would want to interact with you and try to help to resolve your problems. Support and understanding are a basis of this concept. Setting boundaries is still attainable but in a limited fashion.
If an adult you have many more options at your disposal to deal with your emotions and setting up boundaries. Unhappy attitudes or negative behavior can and do happen. Do others want to be involved in helping? That is ultimately up to you in how you want to proceed. Yes support is good when needed. If you rely on yourself for answers it can become in itself a frustrating experience. For what we see in ourselves is only a part of the picture of what we become.

REPLY
2 replies
frouke | @frouke | 1 day ago
In reply to @msh466 "I guess it depends on circumstances in your particular situation. If your a juvenile family would..." + (show)
@msh466

I guess it depends on circumstances in your particular situation. If your a juvenile family would want to interact with you and try to help to resolve your problems. Support and understanding are a basis of this concept. Setting boundaries is still attainable but in a limited fashion.
If an adult you have many more options at your disposal to deal with your emotions and setting up boundaries. Unhappy attitudes or negative behavior can and do happen. Do others want to be involved in helping? That is ultimately up to you in how you want to proceed. Yes support is good when needed. If you rely on yourself for answers it can become in itself a frustrating experience. For what we see in ourselves is only a part of the picture of what we become.

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Thank God that there are still people who care about others who want to be heard or need advice..perhaps not everyone has great advice to share but the fact that they respond to others is still an act of kindness, pompous judgement is not needed especially here.

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1 reply
stefanstarovoitov | @stefanstarovoitov | 1 day ago
In reply to @msh466 "I guess it depends on circumstances in your particular situation. If your a juvenile family would..." + (show)
@msh466

I guess it depends on circumstances in your particular situation. If your a juvenile family would want to interact with you and try to help to resolve your problems. Support and understanding are a basis of this concept. Setting boundaries is still attainable but in a limited fashion.
If an adult you have many more options at your disposal to deal with your emotions and setting up boundaries. Unhappy attitudes or negative behavior can and do happen. Do others want to be involved in helping? That is ultimately up to you in how you want to proceed. Yes support is good when needed. If you rely on yourself for answers it can become in itself a frustrating experience. For what we see in ourselves is only a part of the picture of what we become.

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I don’t want my family involved and I’m an adult yes

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stefanstarovoitov | @stefanstarovoitov | 1 day ago
In reply to @frouke "Thank God that there are still people who care about others who want to be heard..." + (show)
@frouke

Thank God that there are still people who care about others who want to be heard or need advice..perhaps not everyone has great advice to share but the fact that they respond to others is still an act of kindness, pompous judgement is not needed especially here.

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Yeah maybe

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