Connect
Son estranged due to controlling spouse
My son & I were always very close. I have two children, he’s the older one. The one that made me a mother & opened up my world to loving unconditionally and so deeply that at times I was completely awe struck. We remained close until he met a particular woman, married her & became completely enmeshed with her family. I’m leaving a lot out here but bottom line, he’s completely controlled by her and her mother. He lives with her parents, it’s very dysfunctional. If you told me this is the person he’d choose, I would have said you’re crazy, it would never happen. It did happen & now they have a daughter, she’s 3.
I am not allowed over their house, my son has cut me out of his life and he’s also estranged from his sister. His life is his wife’s family & he’s turned into a person that gaslight’s, blames my daughter & I for everything under the sun and plays the victim all while jumping through hoops of fire for his wife and her family. I’ve tried ever which way to approach this. I sought therapy for healthy guidance and nothing changes. I miss the person I used to know as my son. Does anyone have any experience/thoughts about how to remain in a healthy frame of mind as I navigate through life without my son or granddaughter (and they just live 10 minutes down the road from me)
Thank you 🙏
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.
Connect
Sorry to hear about this I'm in same situation only difference is my son lives right nextdoor to me and his father is dying of stage 4 colorectal cancer and he doesn't come see his father!His girlfriend moved in and controls everything he does.She is also lying about being pregnant. She blames everyone else for everything.i miss him dearly.hope ur situation gets better
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsI am going through the same. My son has been married for 5 years to my DIL and it has been chaos. She finally succeeded in alienating him from our side of the family. It has been six months since we had any contact with them and my grandbabies. I am heartbroken.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsMy husband and I are going through the same thing. It is absolutely heartbreaking and I feel it both physically and emotionally. As we walk through this, we lean on our faith, researching the topic, reaching out to other family and friends, and search persistently for a way to fill the void. I've come to realize a renewed and profound gratitude for those that are holding us up. Additionally, what I'm learning is that I feel OK for awhile and think that I'm moving on, but then an event or communication drags it all back and I'm clawing my way back to some kind of "new normal". I'm wondering if there is a group of people like us that meet in person?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI have been facing trying my best to have a loving relationship with my son, his wife and my grand children 8 and 10.
Very long story/ struggle. D.I.L. should be the adult narcissist poster child. That D.I.L masqueraded as a Christian is especially challenging. However trusting The Lord according to Roman's 8:28 plus other scriptures is vital. D.I.L. isolated herself and the children from my son and our small clan. It's turned into a tangle of court and D.S.S./ lawyers $$$ ordeal. Thakfully my son is now free to connect with us in person and the phone.
Regarding a support group? PI much prefer face to face connection with other people; in the same room = NOT ZOOM. However I very much appreciate the sharing that's happening here.
Thank you!🙏💗
I too have a similar situation. My daughter is just beginning to push me and my husband away. She is being encouraged by her husband and his family to turn away from me in particular. Her husband's mother has openly accused me of trying to control them. Which is ironic since her in-laws bought a house two blocks from their house. Her mother-in-law sends me texts at night ( I think when she is drunk) telling me to leave them alone. We live about 5 miles from them but make it a point to give them their space. Never drop in uninvited and only call to have dinner with them about once a month. Now they have informed us they are taking their son, our grandson, and moving out of state(Texas). His mother has expressed that she has hated Texas since she moved here. And his mother has told them she intends to follow them to whatever town they end up in. I have never been angry or confrontational to her husband or family though there were times I had to bite my tongue. I asked my daughter to come over alone and talk. She did. But her husband was furious with me that I didn't invite him and that he was not part of the conversation. It's getting scary. Like they are brain washing her. I know my daughter loves her family. Her older brother told me over the holidays that he is beginning to feel like she's pushing him away too. Wish I knew a good way to handle this before it gets worse.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHi,
I'm sorry you are going through this. That's awful! Those parents sound terrible! I think the only thing you can do now is let your daughter make her own mistakes. She probably will realize hopefully how bad it's been for you and try and change the situation. My son hasn't contacted me in 30 years and I'm not really sure why. All we can do is pray for them and hope we raised them right so they eventually realize their mistakes.
I wish you the best.
PML
Thank you. I believe you are right when you say just hope we raised them right. She really is a good child and good mother to her own son. I guess that says something.
I found that "using my words" and being the parent again just like when they were young works when I think before I speak and try to keep honest but positive. Love rules and communication (both ways but even one-sided listening at first) can let that come through.
Best of luck!
Thank you. I am choosing my words carefully.