Moving

I am 83, my husband died 4 years ago. I live alone on 25 acres, 8 miles from town. I can't drive because I got peripheral neuropathy in my feet from chemo.
Getting old is depressing. We cant be and do what we used to. We have to accept being alive and having some good health. Everyone getting old has problems. Any of my friends that are left do.
We are lucky to be alive. Our lives change at every age and we have to deal with it. Sometimes my kids take me places, I have free medical rides and an Uber if I'm desperate. Most of my friends are now DEAD. We still have some good years left in this new way we didn't choose to live.
If you drive and have an accident, life will be hell.

I understand what you are feeling. I lived somewhere else for 45 years. As you say, I knew it like the back of my hand. I moved there in my early 20s and feel as if I basically grew up there. I was a part of the community and had many friends and memories. We decided to buy an house in New England 20 years ago, in order to be closer to our son and his wife and kids. The first few years were fine because we went back back-and-forth, but after that, it was full-time here is the medical care where we used to live is terrible andI have Stage three heart failure. Anyway, long story short, for the past 20 years I have felt as if I have no home even though we have a lovely house here. I do not feel grounded or connected. The people here have often been here all their lives, raised their children here, and really are not interested in making new friends. And if I'm honest, I don't feel like I have a lot in common with them. The one good thing is I get great medical care where we are now, but my life for the past 20 years has had a pervasive sense of loneliness. And let's face it. Kids are not like friends. They have their own lives and are in a completely different stage than we are. Yes there is a connection, but you can't rely on them to build your social life. At least not in our case. I have managed to connect with a few women, and joined a Bookclub and some activities at the library. But I just don't have those deep wonderful connections that I left behind. It's hard. I have yet to come across a real solution.

I get your concerns and am about to move myself now, at 78. Its true, my kids are no linger in this state, but it will be good to be closer to them. Generally speaking my core of good friends where I live now are 10 years older than me. Facing reality, in a few short years, they will be gone. So, I am moving South.

BUT - I have bought a new home in a 55 and older community, geared toward younger people with free concerts on the weekends, a great restaurant, several pools, many classes and clubs. I insisted on tons of amenities since I am aware of the “busy children” syndrome. I also wanted a place where my six grandchildren would actually like to visit. It’s all good. We have to make the best of our lives and if our children and grandchildren join in in the fun, great!

I am a young 83 my husband is 79 and still runs a commercial real estate office. We live in Northern California and I have one daughter in Southern California and the other in Maryland. I have never thought of moving closer to either one of them. At this age people have already had their friends for years. We both still drive but if I didn't I would use Lift or Urber. There is also a door to door shuttle I can take. I don't drive long distance anymore or at night. We aren't golfers so don't belong to a country club and my husband will keep working until he can't anymore. I love spending time with my daughters and grandsons but they are busy with their own lives. I worked until I was 72 and socialized with a lot of work friends but since I've stopped working I don't see them anymore as they have all scattered to different states. It does get lonely at times and I do think if my husband goes before me I might move closer to the daughter in LA but then I wouldn't know anyone but her. This ain't easy.

About getting a car:
Some recent models have extra safety features such a "following too close " distance controls, "drifting out of lane" warnings and so on.
This is something older drivers should consider.

About getting a car:
Some recent models have extra safety features such a "following too close " distance controls, "drifting out of lane" warnings and so on.
This is something older drivers should consider.

To @raebaby
I have stopped driving due to extreme anxiety as not only my hands shake but sometimes my whole body. My 86 year old husband with Parkinson’s disease has to be not only the chauffeur but pretty much my caregiver as well. It’s very depressing as I have no sense of independence. No children or pets to spend time with.

I can really feel for you. My husband died with Parkinson's and the help you must have to give him on top of being so anxious has to be awful. I have PTSD from the last time I was driving down a highway and suddenly I couldn't feel the brake. I poked along for 8 miles with everyone honking at me. I was afraid to pull over as I was afraid I'd crash into a ditch. I finally got to my daughter's house. I never drove again.
I have2 cats and my son stays with me often. Other than that, I live alone out in the country.