Moving

Barb, you are unhappy. You make a clear description for the unhappiness the changes in your life have made for you.
It sounds like you have, but wish for more, autonomy, and one of the drawbacks is that you miss driving. Almost every one of us does. Some can do something, including purchasing a vehicle that they desire, used or new, while some have been told they must never drive again. I have no skin in this, but why have you not replaced the car? It was insured....yes? It seems to me that a car would brighten you up considerably, give you something to enjoy each day, any time you wished, and it would bring you back to 'early days' when you enjoyed the thundering of an open window at 60 mph.
You know you want one...don't kid yourself. 😀
Then, there's the problem of a dated driver's license. At some point, the state will require you to pass a physical and also a driver's exam. Best to be sharp and up-to-date on those, unless you're willing to let it all go... Your call.
As for your children who seem to blow you off, tell them it hurts you when they are dismissive. Do they want you around or not? If not, go back and enjoy the rest of your life where you have friends and familiarity working for you at least.
Sometimes you must make a decision, or UNDO one. If this was a mistake, own it, and then do something concrete to fix it. Nobody is stopping you, unless there's something in your conscience that's eating away at you.

Dear Barb, If you would like to have a car, and a driver license is a reasonable expectations to be able to obtain, then a replacement car would probably reduce your sense of isolation. Get the driver license first, you'll need to have one to test drive a vehicle, so you might as well take care of that early on.
As to the adult children who seem to not understand, perhaps it is necessary to stop them to let them know how their responses are affecting you. If they continue, then you have another reason to head back to where you came from. Or realize that it is up to you to make new friends, which is hard if you are trapped in a building and not able to join activities, a recreation center, or other place where you'll meet other people. Wishing you the very best!

I understand what you are feeling. I lived somewhere else for 45 years. As you say, I knew it like the back of my hand. I moved there in my early 20s and feel as if I basically grew up there. I was a part of the community and had many friends and memories. We decided to buy an house in New England 20 years ago, in order to be closer to our son and his wife and kids. The first few years were fine because we went back back-and-forth, but after that, it was full-time here is the medical care where we used to live is terrible andI have Stage three heart failure. Anyway, long story short, for the past 20 years I have felt as if I have no home even though we have a lovely house here. I do not feel grounded or connected. The people here have often been here all their lives, raised their children here, and really are not interested in making new friends. And if I'm honest, I don't feel like I have a lot in common with them. The one good thing is I get great medical care where we are now, but my life for the past 20 years has had a pervasive sense of loneliness. And let's face it. Kids are not like friends. They have their own lives and are in a completely different stage than we are. Yes there is a connection, but you can't rely on them to build your social life. At least not in our case. I have managed to connect with a few women, and joined a Bookclub and some activities at the library. But I just don't have those deep wonderful connections that I left behind. It's hard. I have yet to come across a real solution.

Why don’t you check into another place. Where you are at is not right for you.
We should never move to be close to our kids. I know a lady who kids did that to her. She never see them just like before. Do what’s right for you.
In today world 80 is not old. Talk with your doctor. They can check you over and can give you a better answer.
Not far behind you
Wish you the best

I caught two things (well, maybe three) in your note, aside from: Congratulations for figuring out your issues so clearly!

-- Have you experimented with Uber or Lyft? I still drive, but they are options I know I need to pursue. I suspect that the reason I've been putting it off is the learning curve, but really, how hard can it be, right? The first couple of times I expect I will fumble through it and feel like an idiot, but they have to have figured out how to make it pretty easy by now. Alternatively, a lot of places still offer taxi service. Back in the day, I even set up an account with my mother's local taxi service and kept it topped up, so she didn't need to handle money.

-- You mentioned church at your old community. Have you found a new church to settle into? Again, the church was my mother's home away from home. I've got a friend who is exploring new temples now, to find one that she feels a good fit for. I've got another friend who has really enjoyed being part of their local senior center.

-- Forgive me if I'm out of line here, but it sounds like you may be struggling with having the energy to tackle this level of change. I take an online basic balance class offered here (https://www.lifespan-roch.org/new-events), and they are likely to offer another starting in June or July. I hate exercise, but I know that doing it helps give me energy for other things. If you are feeling more intellectually ambitious, you could explore here (https://www.futurelearn.com/subjects) for online classes; I've taken classes on a variety of these topics for fun, and found the comments among the students (including people in their 80s and 90s) to be really engaging, and if you stick with a subject area, you may get to know the other students, who come from around the world. Finally, perhaps it's worth asking your doctor for an antidepressant, to see if that helps? Everything looks (and is) so much harder to tackle when we are suffering from depression.

Get the car! I am 85 still driving and can’t face it when I should stop. It is a feeling of freedom. Fortunately for me everything I need is within 5 miles & I go through some of the back streets to keep away from those crazy drivers. Get to a church or check with county or towns’ or local library for programs for seniors or things that might be of interest. Start a program where you live. Your children are busy in their own lives. Ours live are 900 miles away. Get phone calls. This is the new normal. Sorry if my suggestion sounds so idealistic.
These are the things I would strive to do. But I am here taking care of my husband who has dementia. He is tired wants to sleep most of the day. If I go out he needs to go with me. He needs to know I am near.

I’m afraid that’s what will happen if I move to FL where my son is. I still have siblings so thinking about moving closer to one or two of them. My son’s in-laws are close to them so it might be too much if I were there too. Thank you for sharing. This is not self pity. If you are a good driver, go ahead and get that car and get out and about. Make some friends, check out the Senior Center? Hang in there, sister, you’re not done yet!!♥️

I am a young 83 my husband is 79 and still runs a commercial real estate office. We live in Northern California and I have one daughter in Southern California and the other in Maryland. I have never thought of moving closer to either one of them. At this age people have already had their friends for years. We both still drive but if I didn't I would use Lift or Urber. There is also a door to door shuttle I can take. I don't drive long distance anymore or at night. We aren't golfers so don't belong to a country club and my husband will keep working until he can't anymore. I love spending time with my daughters and grandsons but they are busy with their own lives. I worked until I was 72 and socialized with a lot of work friends but since I've stopped working I don't see them anymore as they have all scattered to different states. It does get lonely at times and I do think if my husband goes before me I might move closer to the daughter in LA but then I wouldn't know anyone but her. This ain't easy.

I get your concerns and am about to move myself now, at 78. Its true, my kids are no linger in this state, but it will be good to be closer to them. Generally speaking my core of good friends where I live now are 10 years older than me. Facing reality, in a few short years, they will be gone. So, I am moving South.

BUT - I have bought a new home in a 55 and older community, geared toward younger people with free concerts on the weekends, a great restaurant, several pools, many classes and clubs. I insisted on tons of amenities since I am aware of the “busy children” syndrome. I also wanted a place where my six grandchildren would actually like to visit. It’s all good. We have to make the best of our lives and if our children and grandchildren join in in the fun, great!

I am 83, my husband died 4 years ago. I live alone on 25 acres, 8 miles from town. I can't drive because I got peripheral neuropathy in my feet from chemo.
Getting old is depressing. We cant be and do what we used to. We have to accept being alive and having some good health. Everyone getting old has problems. Any of my friends that are left do.
We are lucky to be alive. Our lives change at every age and we have to deal with it. Sometimes my kids take me places, I have free medical rides and an Uber if I'm desperate. Most of my friends are now DEAD. We still have some good years left in this new way we didn't choose to live.
If you drive and have an accident, life will be hell.