WAIT! Please don't let him make you backslide too! You saw, after your daughter's visit, that he can change. He is just doing these things to provoke you.

First, and critical - take the car keys - now - before he hurts himself, you or some innocent bystander.

Tell him he has to call Uber, a taxi or his daughter for rides to doctor appointments you deem unnecessary. Contact the doctors yourself, by phone or message, and tell them you are doing this and why.

On the more annoying but less critical matter, show him 2 can play that game. EVERY time he puts "stuff" on the floor or in the refrig/freezer that belongs in the trash, openly remove it and carry it out. Then go for a walk or a drive (without your phone) while he has his tantrum!

It might seem juvenile to do this, but your alternatives are to continue to suffer in silence, or to push back. You're tough , so push back.

Here's a big Hug for you today,
Sue🫂

PS To any other member who thinks I am off-base here, please read this couple's history - yes he has some issues, but he won't fix them (take meds as ordered, etc) and his demands and behaviors are over-the-top.

I don’t know his condition nor what is causing it, but if there is cognitive decline or dementia, it can cause people to behave in odd ways. Sometimes, the odd behavior comes before the dementia. I recall being totally perplexed by my cousin’s behavior years before she was diagnosed with severe vascular dementia. (Later on diagnosed with mixed….Vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s.) She was 63 at initial diagnosis.

At first I noticed odd obsessions. She was totally obsessed with her cat. Everything was about the cat, though she would not take it to the vet. She was terrified that cat would escape from her house through a crevice the size of a pea. So she taped all around her house, closets, vents, furniture openings, etc. ruined good furniture,…..then began buying large quantities of cat food, treats, litter……also bought huge amounts of paper products, cleaning supplies,….. began rituals, like cutting her trash into small pieces, not eating, rarely bathing, becoming quarrelsome over nothing. Later, confusion in traffic in familiar neighborhoods, loss of interest in her regular tv shows, increase in anxiety, repeated calls from her seeking comfort…..the anxiety can zoom in on a certain topic. For her it was her cat. Maybe, his anxiety is focusing on health.

It’s very difficult to offset the behavior, because I don’t think it’s intentional, though it seems that way. I’m afraid that if it is dementia…..it’s a rough and rocky road. Most people I know of who have dementia are difficult to be around. They can be exasperating…..caregivers become exhausted and stressed. That’s a big reason placement is sometimes chosen. The caregiver is worn down over time. Not so much the physical chores, but the mental gymnastics that are required to manage their behavior.

I recall what it feels like. I had to place my cousin, as her needs became too great for me, as I still worked. I’m back in a similar situation now with parents.

I can’t recall if you have seen an elder law attorney. If not, I would, in order to learn your rights and responsibilities. These medical bills could be mounting up. These cognitive issues can escalate quickly or go on for years. I’m no expert. Just my observations over the last 10 years. I hope you find some relief.

On a positive note, my cousin stopped her obsessions with her cat and other things, because she forgot she had a cat or a house, once in Memory care a few days. She settled down, with the help of meds, and was rather content, though at times, she’d get upset at loud noises.

Hi. I have a question. Before his dementia was diagnosed, was he totally different in his behaviors and treatment of other people or has he always been unreasonable? with problems that have no solution? The reason I ask is because if he had a personality disorder, dementia and old age would aggravate his personality and behaviors. Could you elucidate?