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Your description of the elephant in the room rings true to me as well. Slowly over the course of the last few years I have started doing everything - pay bills, medical appointments, even driving a lot more.
The suggestions given here for making sure you can speak to the neurologist alone are well worth trying. I now realize the importance of the doctor hearing about ALL the changes you’ve seen, not just relying on a memory test.
When we finally went to see a neurologist - he only spoke to my husband and, after several tests (MRI, bloodwork, etc.), gave my husband a prescription for Aricept, without giving us a diagnosis other than ‘short term memory loss’. My husband had very bad dreams on the drug, so he stopped taking the drug and now we are proceeding as if nothing is wrong!
I wish you and your husband all the best as I totally relate to what you are experiencing. Finding a therapist and this online chat has really helped me.
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My husband is taking something too, perhaps Aricept, and it doesn't seem to be doing anything. I think the doctor prescribed it so we'd feel like we're doing something. My husband did fairly well on the memory test a year ago, but I knew at the time that wasn't the whole picture. In these circumstances I believe a neurologist should talk to the relevant caregiver or family member privately. There are things I want to say but not in front of my husband. I'm going to try to send some information to the doctor before his appointment on Friday. It will help me just to write it all down. Yes, this group is a lifeline. I'm also in the aortic aneurysm support group. "When trouble comes, it comes not as single spies but in battalions."