How do you let go of a toxic family member?

I left my family! It was absolutely hard! But I kept getting hurt! All the time! But I didn’t call it leaving the family I called it a time out! Even though in my heart I felt It was done with my family! This was my baby step! I felt the pull of hurting my mom! I find out though my aunt she was fine! It really was the hardest thing I ever did in my life! But I am living my life now and I don’t look back!

Good luck!!

Amazing! Thank you so much!

My mom was absent for most of my childhood and young adulthood. Instead of caring for her 6 children, she chose to work a job that took her out of town, Monday through Friday, 6 weeks of every 7. When she retired and it became time to decide whether I wanted her in my life, I decided that I did.
I have never fully let go of my anger and sadness that I have about her abandonment of us. I’m working on it, but 40 years later, it’s not totally gone. Maybe because of all the other abuse that happened to me while she was gone.
I do love her. I know that in my heart. That was my starting point for building a relationship with her. It’s not perfect. She too, like your mother, glosses over anything negative and refuses to acknowledge that she did anything wrong. I have to accept that in any small way that I can because she is 93 now and the time I have left with her is limited.
It has gotten better and easier over the years. It took many years, but I have been mostly able to let go of the past and just think of her as someone that I know and love.
I hope that you find at least a little comfort in my words.
Take care,
Mery

My only sibling is toxic to me. I limit our interactions as much as possible. Every single conversation I try to have with her about anything at all, she turns it around and it's all about her. I can't finish a sentence without her interrupting. I don't even call her much because a 5 minute call turns into at least 30 minutes. She refuses to text. She always calls and most times I let it go to voice mail. No matter what it is, it's always 'important'. So I've set boundaries.

Never stop demanding to be treated well. Hold others in your inner circle to the same standards that you demand of yourself.

Did she just find out she had cancer? Not to excuse the behavior, but a lot of people become angry and lash out when they find out they have cancer and since strangers will just walk away they take it out on family and friends. I behaved this way early on and am now ashamed of it and have made amends.

If it's ongoing behavior, though, you just have to separate yourself from the person. I have several relatives I don't communicate with because they constantly tell me I'm going to hell for being gay so I've just cut ties with them. It's difficult at first, but you will feel a lot better mentally in the long run.

Forgiveness is such an overused word. If someone asks for forgiveness and a person isn’t ready yet then you seem like the ‘bad’ one.
Don’t fall into this trap, it seems to me like another way of being abused. Tough personality types always weigh themselves against everything and everyone.
Be steady and consistent in all things.
Always having to say ‘sorry’ for everything just makes me think this person makes bad decisions constantly. Believe them the first time.

My mother was a seriously toxic person. I would do anything for my mom but after years and years of verbal, mental, and physical abuse at her hand I just couldn't do it anymore. I had a sexually abusive ex and she knew it, knew everything. The last day I spoke to her she made a disgusting comment about it to me knowing what effect it would have on me but she did not care and that's when I decided I needed to protect my mental stability. I did not speak to her again for 17 years, she passed away last Oct. and I still do not regret cutting her off. Don't get me wrong I am still grieving and love her very much but for my well-being, it was just something I HAD TO DO!

I can sure relate to how you are feeling! Like you, I had been verbally abused and bullied my entire childhood, by my parents, and three of my siblings! My parents, also, physically beat me, ever since I can remember, when I was a child, and into my young adult years. So, in my adult years, my parents and three of my siblings continued their bullying tactics. They are all self-centered and narcissistic. I am the exact opposite of that temperament! I am mainly one who is kind, loving, and empathetic! So, I have to put up with a lot of negative emotions, from most members of my family! My Mom and Dad passed away a few years ago, and my youngest brother treated me so badly ( he is a hard core drug addict, and a “user” ), that I had to use the ‘disinherited’ routine with him, and his family! They were all mean and nasty to me, and my family, and, after a huge argument, where he called me every name in the book, so to speak, I cut him and his family off completely! All my siblings cut him and his family off too-they were mean to all of my other siblings, and their families, too! Family toxicity can tear families apart, but, it’s important to remember that one does not have to tolerate or put up with bullying from other members, within one’s family! I learned long ago, that feelings are neither right or wrong! Also, I learned, after years of therapy, that I didn’t have to continue, with a toxic family relationship, so I have no regrets that I have not had any contact with my youngest brother, or his family! A hard lesson for me to learn, was that I couldn’t change the negative actions and behavior that I had from my youngest brother, and his family!