Hearing aided spouse defensive about hearing loss.

Has your spouse had his hearing tested? I understand it's difficult to get someone who is in denial to take that first step, but it is an important step. It helps to come to MCC to ask questions and hear other people's experiences. It's important to understand that while they are similar, everyone's hearing loss journey is different. Not just biologically but a lot has to do with personality. Hearing loss is a disability, but it's an invisible one. People think they can hide it, but that can only go so far before the typical misunderstandings start making people wonder if there is a cognitive issue. Anger only adds to that. If you and your spouse have a PCP, you might want to share your feelings with him/her. PCPs should be asking more about hearing loss than most do. That's a reality. But, if you or someone could suggest that hearing loss be discussed it might open the door to further help.

If you live anywhere near where an HLAA chapter meets, you both might find support that is helpful. As the hard of hearing person in my marriage, I've found HLAA to be extremely helpful. My spouse who has had to deal with my declining hearing over many years, has also received support through HLAA. It helps a great deal to have your feelings validated by others who understand. These written conversations are helpful too, but open discussion in a person to person way can be even more effective.

Again, has your spouse made any effort to get help?

They have been adjusted a couple of time.

Hearing loss is an invisible disability. I have had a hearing loss since I was 4 years old. I am now 88 years old. I recommend joining The Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA). You will discover that you are not the only one with hearing loss. You can log onto this organization on your computer. It is nonprofit and very educational for those with hearing loss and their families.
Hermine Willey
cohear@aol.com

I went to visit my sister-in-law in hospice. Another one of my in-laws who is as deaf as I am was also present. After about two hours someone finally told us that the hospice patient had died. In fact, she had died before we arrived at the hospice. I had been sitting at the patient’s bedside and talking to her, not knowing that she was already deceased. The same thing happened to my deaf in-law, who is also now deceased. She had no idea that the patient was already dead. It happened to both of us. None of the other family members who have functional hearing bothered to tell us that our sister-in-law had died, even though they have been living with us and knew quite well that our hearing was severely impaired. Everyone else knew about the death hours before the two deaf visitors.

I intensely dislike any implication that it’s my fault if I fail to understand information that is conveyed to me by speaking. I don’t appreciate being treated like I am a burden or embarrassment and I don’t like any suggestion that it’s my fault for being “hard of listening.” The people who live or work with individuals who are deaf or HOH should know that they are going to miss information that is spoken when multiple people are talking simultaneously. I don’t understand why people have such a hard time believing this.