What does end stage lung cancer look like?

Good Morning. I have been following your threads and just like to add my experience that may help you a little. My first husband died of cancer in 1998. He was stage 4 or 5 when they found it. The doctor told us point blank, “ There is nothing we can do. You need to get your affairs in order.” Told my husband “ you have 3-6 months. In your case… more like 3”. He died about 2 months later. He was getting angry and sometimes down right nasty, but then we figured out it was because he was scared and sad and worried about me and our 3 young children. There was no retirement funds, no real bank account funds. But my big point is, he wasn’t being that way on purpose. The Morphine they gave him for pain also contributed to the moods and sleeping. Just know that he knows your trying to care for him and love him. He may not be able to grasp how he is actually acting out. God is with you both!❤️

Thank you so much for your kind response. I know he is scared but he is getting tired of being sick so he gets angry. He is not only rude me but also with the doctors and nurses who come to help him, The hopsice nurse did come today and she was very nice. She explained everything to us. They will be back tomorrow to do the application. Then they will come twice a week to visit with him to see how things are going. I do my best to be kind, but when he demands and not asks, I get irritated. I do everything he asks me to do, But tonight he said to me, "here are the rules I want you to follow," I told him that I would not follow rules. Advice, yes, but you are not my father and don't treat me like a child. I ended up with bells palsy from the stress and it has only been 4 months. Went to the doctors and she gave me prednisone. I hope it gets better soon. Have a good day!

I am so sorry that this is happening to both of you! Do understand that YOU are allowed to get angry as well. This is a time that tries our emotional and physical health! We are not Saints, and we have breaking points. Understanding that this is a hardship for both of you. Pray for patience and courage for you, and comfort for your husband. I lost 20 pounds in the two months caring for my husband and caring for our children and working full time. He was a hot headed Italian who was the “head” of the family. His demands and outbursts really hurt internally, and my kids didn't understand why he was being that way. But we got through it and as he progressed and accepted that he couldn't change it, it calmed a bit. Yes, when he slept it was calm and gave us a chance to decompress. That is the time you need to do something you really like. Watch a show that makes you laugh, phone a friend that makes you laugh. Get a respit nurse so you can get out, even if its just for an hour or two. Dont worry how he treats the Doctors or Nurses, they are used to it. They have seen it all before. My oldest daughter became a hospice nurse because of her father and she is extremely passionate and caring even when the patient is not. God has you in his arms!❤️

God bless you. I don't know how you did it. My kids are grown and i am retired and I know that I could not do what you are doing. Is your husband still living? My husband has always been rude to some people. He had no friends because I did not like any of my friends husbands He never interacted with the neigbors in the 27 years we have lived here. The only people he could interact with were people who drank and did drugs. I don't use and none of my friends did either. So they quit coming. I had friends over once for supper. He walked into the kitchen and said HI, then he turned around and went back into the living room where he stayed. I was so embarrassed by his behavior. So for years, I went to my friends house and went out with friends for dinner or a couple of drinks, He didn't care if I did that. Went on some vacations with my best friend and he was fine with that. But if he had complained about that, I would probably have divorced him. I am a people person and I will not be stuck at home because no one likes him and won't come here. He can sit by himself. Now he is sick and needs me home pretty much 24/7 because he is falling alot and needs help getting him something to drink or eat. But he is still an addict. He just goes berserk if he thinks a doctor or nurse will mess with his pills. He has been an addict most of his life, but he kept is well hidden from me for awhile, then it came out by his weird behavior a lot of times. sorry for venting, but I have decided that if I want to go shopping, etc, I am going. There is no one else to watch him, I told him not to be trying to walk around becaue if he falls he will just have to lay there until I get home. He has a walker but won't use it. But I still pray for him everyday and I pray for strength and compassion for myself. Have a great day!

@denise96, I thought I would add a couple of resources that my mom found helpful when preparing for the end with my dad:
- Final weeks and days: What to expect https://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Final+Days/Final+weeks+and+days_+What+to+expect.aspx

See more https://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Final+Days.aspx

How are you and your husband doing?

Thanks so much. So far, it is just day by day. His behavior patterns change a lot. He does not seem to be in a lot of pain which is good. He is still walking around a little bit from the living room to the kitchen where he still makes himself coffee and something to eat. He is involved with hospice now which I am thankful for. They come twice a week, check his vitals, meds and overall well being. He still falls once in awhile, but so far has not gotten hurt. But the problem is that he continues to take twice the meds that hospice is giving him. As they keep a close on his pills, they notice that he is taking too many, So, they are bringing a lockbox with them on Monday and all his daily meds will in some kind of sleeve. Each sleeve will hold all the pills he needs for that day. I have to keep the key so he won't get into it and take more than what he needs. I don't relish being the keeper of the keys because I know he will bug me for more pills and I will be the bad guy because I can't give him any more. I forsee a problem with this. He has always taken pain meds and if his prescription ran out, he would buy more from someone. But we will see how this works. I am doing fine except I got diagnosed with Bells Palsy which can be brought on by stress among other things. And I have had to have my blood pressure medications doubled. Guess I don't deal with stress very well. He has overdrawn his bank account twice in the last two months because he is forgetting to write in his receipts. i have offered to take over for him but he refused. He spends over 100 dollars at least every 4 days to buy cigarettes. This worries me too, because I pay almost all of the household bills, homeowners insurance taxes, eletric, mortgage, etc and he pays for the oil, cable and garbage. If he can't pay those because of overdrawing, I can't pay them either. I have very little left after I pay all my bills. Thank God we got separate checking accounts years ago becuase he did the same thing and that screwed me up. He won't get his SSD check until FEb 12. I don't know what he will do for this cigs because I don't have the money to give him for them,. So now he is using his credit cards and they are almost all maxed out. I wish he was not so stubborn and just let me handle his bills and then what is left he can use for cigarettes. What a mess.

Thank you