I know that when you are abused verbally mentally physically spiritually and sexually you become capable of several things. In my case letting go has been my lifeline.
When I feel a bit bad for them being ill or grieving something, a line that a therapist gave me is my go to thought “don’t kick up the dust”.
It can seem so wrong in your heart because being a caring person it contradicts your natural tendency to “fix everything “.
Know that being a caring person means first and foremost caring for yourself.
How you navigate this in the next years is so totally up to you and nobody else. Nothing you do is ‘wrong’ or ‘right’, it is what you give yourself permission to do at any given time.
Think of yourself first and then navigate any response to your situation. Advice is always a good idea from trusted ones, advice from deep within is the ultimate though.
In my case, which is unique and not your case, was to let this person die without any contact allowed for many years.
If this next sentence is comforting or disturbing I cannot control that for you or anyone.
I have zero regrets, zero.
After her passing I only had anger, for all the hateful words and actions. I had nothing but gratitude that I stood up for myself for all these quiet years.
Your journey will be different from mine. Mine was only right for me and me alone.
Be confident that you will give the greatest care to yourself first and then decide how to care for others.