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The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (22)Comment receiving replies
Thanks for this great resource: the Guilt Dump
My hubby wants me to fly with him to an exhibit in California. It's a 3-4 hour flight and includes overnight in a hotel. I am going to have to tell him we can't manage this and I'm feeling the anticipatory guilt.
Traveling with him in a wheelchair means finding single stall restrooms, sometimes on very short notice. Car rental, drive to hotel, not knowing where to find a restroom on the road, hotel check in time, organizing the room so he can get around, figuring out dinner, trying to sleep when he's up and down all night... I know, I'm preaching to the choir. I'm just so angry that friends continue to tell him about these events. I'm telling everyone to send pics after the fact. I hate that he can't be there since he has so little to look forward to.
This is so hard. Wish I could give up but that's not an option.
Thanks for the dumpster.
Replies to "Thanks for this great resource: the Guilt Dump My hubby wants me to fly with him..."
I have dealt with traveling complications three times- once with my mother and twice with my husband. Every one was different but all were extremely difficult and exhausting, mentally, physically, or both.
In my mother’s case- it was trying to get her to a funeral eight hours away. My siblings and I struggled to find a solution, but in the end, we told her we could not take her or get her there. We were all heart broken in our own ways.
I do not think any of us got over the decision.
There are not enough resources and accommodations for traveling with someone who needs constant care. Hotels do not offer good sleeping solutions- my husband has to sleep in an elevated and adjustable bed. Hotels do not offer these and I have searched the other rental sources. The hotels do not even offer a recliner as an alternative- even though my husband is so stubborn he would not agree to a recliner- but it is an option for some.
His best friend’s wife is in the last stages of cancer and we cannot be there - it is all the way acrosss the country. It is breaking our hearts.
There is a huge opportunity for a visionary to take on the traveling issues, especially with an aging population.
As a caregiver with a full time ( paid) job, I cannot take this on-but maybe I will start with writing and posting.
For now- I just live with the guilt of not being able to solve this for my husband or myself- as individuals and as a couple.
So my heart and understanding goes out to all, no matter the situation. I wish you peace with your decision, and with living with the aftermath. That part is mentally exhausting as well.
Keep your faith
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Not to mention traveling with enough incontinence supplies to get us through the trip. Imagine airplane restroom where he'll be on his own without assistance. A recipe for disaster!