I don’t think anyone would want to judge a human being looking for help from an addiction. I’m so sorry for your loss, it shouldn’t happen for a parent to see their child go before them but sadly it happens. I think your brave to admit that you have a problem and it’s the best thing you can do, this is half the battle and the next step is therapy…there’s a lot of good treatments and support for you and need help to find it. I hope that you get the help you deserve, best wishes for your road to recovery, 🙏