Oh, @woojr , that’s a lot to deal with. And it sounds like once your Mom has made up her mind about something it’s almost impossible to get her to change it. She is determined to maintain her independence and do what she thinks is best and right for her, even when the actual facts do not point in that direction.

Regarding her eyes: She gave you an account of what she said and what the eye doctor told her about the orange spots (“don’t worry about it.”). Have you been able to verify that with the doctor? Does your Mom attend her eye appointments alone? If so, are you and/or your wife able to attend with her so that you will be aware of what is actually being said? Also, does your Mom trust the eye doctor, so that if he says something is not good for her (like overuse of the eyedrops); or if assures her that he’s examined her eyes and the BP pills are NOT making her go blind; and educate her on the proper use of the eyedrops – would she believe him and change her behavior accordingly?
I presume that your Mom’s eyesight and need for prescription eyeglasses doesn’t affect her ability to drive and that she doesn’t have a requirement on her license to always wear glasses when driving? Is that the case?

Regarding the BP pills: Is your Mom able to show you exactly what she read about the pills causing orange spots? I think you gave her an excellent guideline about taking the BP pills when her reading is above 160. But it sounds like she’s not convinced of that yet.
Does she see a primary care doctor? If so, is he/she aware of which vitamins and how much of them she’s taking? Could he/she give her a regimen to follow regarding vitamins (that is, if they’re actually needed) so that she doesn’t take more than would be good or safe for her? And could the primary care doctor help her to understand that more really isn’t better?

One thing we can say about your Mom is that she’s resourceful. I was floored when you said she bought a new car when you took her keys away! Are you able to install a dash cam in her car that would enable you to review her driving?

Your Mom is resourceful, and she’s determined. That combination is difficult to deal with and thwart, as she is very adept at getting around and overcoming anything that she perceives to be barriers or hindrances to what she wants. Does her hospital have a geriatric department that deals specifically with the issues of seniors? If so, you might be able to talk with them about how you can help her so that she remains safe and doesn’t hurt herself.

My heart goes out to you and your wife because it is such a challenge for you. And in the midst of it all, you are facing some surgeries. So, be sure to take good care of yourself as you care for your Mom. I pray that you can get some answers and resources to help your Mom. Meanwhile, hang in there. All the best!