in reply to @777dogwood Thanks. While the 'call' to call APS seemed to be a tough decision, it was indeed one of the best things I have done for myself in a long time. As I explained to the social worker, my sister's entire family thinks 'she needs help,' but is unwilling to discuss this with her. Of course, the entire family 'needs help,' something I observed during my visit with my sister. While my sister may or may not speak to a social worker, at least I know that I did the only thing I could think of in order to ensure she does not become even more unhinged than she already has become. And as far as my brother in law with the dementia, I ran into someone yesterday who knew a lot more about the facility he is in, and now I understand why he is doing as poorly as he is. My niece was behind making the choice of where to place him, and I guess she thought that 'more money' meant better care, which is not the case. And while this may seem coarse, I simply don't care anymore and as a result I finally feel free from the 'family of origin,' having discussed all of this with the rector at my church last week. I had been brainwashed my entire life 'you only have one family, this one,' and while I knew this to be untrue, I feel even better about the 'family' I have built, one that is full of people who support and respect one another with out judgment. It's not up to me anymore to save my sister, and even though she cannot seem to save herself, I have relinquished any 'obligation' I may have felt to be the only remaining family member that was willing to step up and help her do those things that her kids 'should ' be doing. I suppose it was helpful that I made a new board in my art area where I stick up large sticky notes depicting everything I want to scream at them. It is working quite well, right alongside the note I have to put up to remind myself what I need to do in order to take care of myself.