I'm 63 and been on my own for a number of years initially I did think I would meet someone after I was divorced but it just hasn't happened I'm now resigned to the reality that I am destined to be on my own until the end that's something I think about quite often I'm not looking for potty or sympathy I'm just explaining my situation I was brought up in the care system from the age of 6 has I didn't have a family so it's like I have always been on my own. Sometimes I feel like the grey mist has come down and I will scream at the sky and ask questions like why have I had to live the life that I have. I had never experienced what a close family relationship was I was in the care system until I was 17 and when I left I was on my own and totally lost I met my wife Julie when I was 20 and I fell in love with her almost immediately. We were together nearly ten years before we got married we had a beautiful home and two children both boys at the age of 30 my life could not have been better. And then things started to go wrong my eldest son Sean was killed in a road according the car was being driven by a very good friend of mine I'd known him nearly 20 years. He couldn't live with what he had done although I never blamed him it was an unfortunate accident he took his own life whilst speaking to me on the phone I pleaded with him please please don't do this to me I love you you are my world don't leave me but he did it in the most gruesome way. 14 months after the death of Sean my youngest son Anthony died of liver failure he was only four years old. Sean was nine when he died I couldn't believe how my life had been turned upside down I was unable to function and wanted my life to end I felt that life was no longer worth living and I kept asking myself why me what had I ever done I even started to think I was cursed in some way after years of sexual physical abuse in the UK social care system I had endured over ten years at the hands of these people who were supposed to look after me but instead I had an horrendous upbringing. I tried to carry on with life but I struggled every day. By this time I had been married to Julie for nearly 15 years plus I was with her for years before we got married so imagine the absolute devastation I felt when I discovered that the lady who I had loved for all those years was cheating on me with my brother the two people who meant everything to me who I reached out to when I was in the deepest of depression. I've never remarried and have lived on my own with justy wonderful memories of a life that I had, I know it's not right but some days I think please god just end my life I don't want to be here any longer my life has been truly horrendous since I was 6 years old no one should have to endure so much heartache. Thank you for reading and God bless you all x