I wish I could say anything to help. Losing a child is immeasurable grief. I myself am going through it. I lost my daughter to cancer on New Years Eve. Hers was cancer, although she had attempted suicide several times before she got sick. I never had any idea it would hurt like this. Or that at night especially it feels as if my mind is trying to gaslight me with blame and what ifs. I am more than willing to speak with another mother feeling this kind of loss. Please feel free to talk to me.