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What creative ways do you cope with grief?
I”m a fan of rituals for grief and mourning. Some can be found within organized religion—like the Jewish custom of lighting a candle for the deceased on the anniversary of their death. And some can be private. My first husband, Robert, has been dead for 29 years. This year I felt the urge to do something special. I bought two helium balloons—one black and one heart-shaped white. Then I let them go and watched them disappear—so quickly—into an azure sky. I can’t say what this “means”—just that it felt right. I think that often ceremony, art, and other expressions can be very helpful in terms of grief. We don’t just have to hold it in or try and get over it. Can anyone share their experiences with this? I’d love to know!
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in reply to @mir123 I like that. I am also a fan of rituals, and I hope you do not find mine odd. My demented friend actually taught me about rituals, including, but not limited to the use of smudge sticks to get rid of the bad energy in your house etc. Since my concussion I have been burning sage every morning, and because I cannot concentrate enough to paint like I used to, I am taking a ton of pictures of the burning sage ritual. I actually took a "selfie" of me drinking from an espresso cup of burning sage before my breast MRI this past friday. Whatever works right? Thanks for the great post. Several months ago a lifelong friend of mine essentially dumped me because she "just could not handle me having an immune disorder." Well, I had saved all the letters she had written to me going back to my college years 1982. I burned all of them in a garbage can , took videos, and then buried the burned up letters in the garden.....A couple of weeks ago I noticed that a photo of her that I had cut into pieces was poking up from the soil. I had cut a photo and the only part that came up was her eye....and I thought, "now that is a sign...evil eye?" This year was the first Christmas I did not get a card from her, and I think because I had performed what I called a "death ritual," the fact I did not get a card was not as upsetting as it might have otherwise been. Now I use a kitchen torch to light my sage. My neighbors must think I am a nutcase, but they enjoy living next to an eccentric artist who cannot relax since hitting her head in October...thanks again
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4 ReactionsI think my neighbors think I am a bit eccentric too. Either that or a crazy old lady!
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4 ReactionsAs I live in the Southwest, sage burning is quite common, particularly for moving into a house, or yes, getting rid of unpleasant energy. Whatever works!
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1 ReactionLet's be both. LOL
Oh, I feel better now that I am not alone. My friend CJ gave me a smudge stick she has had for YEARS, but it is so dry that it is hard to get it "started." Do you think it's weird that I do the sage burning each day? I am getting worried that maybe I am "overdosing it." But given the head injury, I thought perhaps the ritual would help me heal better. When I ran out of sage recently, I started adding rosemary from my garden which I had dried....I just got done collecting a ton of eucalyptus bark to sell on Etsy, as people pay $35 a pound for it, and I wondered how it too would burn....desperate measures for desperate times....thanks for the update
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1 ReactionMy husband just died in June so of course I miss him terribly.
BUT, I talk to him every day. I like being a batty, old lady.......
probably because I have always been so...tee, hee....
So talking is one ritual. I also imagine being reunited in heaven
& I am an agnostic, but since that means, "Who knows?!" I feel it
is perfectly natural. After reading your post, I may start a candle.....
thank you. K
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4 ReactionsThank you so much for writing and sharing this. I have a friend who sits down to a real cup of coffee with her deceased spouse for a chat. I want to add I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I found it to be the worst pain ever, but also have had a lot of good since then--and maybe I appreciate it more.
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3 Reactionswhen my sister died, I sat down to sew. my sister sewed quilts. I made 700 masks during that time. I thought about my sister, and realized I wasn't the best sister I thought I was. it was an honoring of the craft she worked at . when my brother died I couldn't think of anything to keep busy with. I did remember things between us and still do. I purged myself of memories with my sister , but things remembered about my brother aren't over. I still get hits of our past. he really didn't like me much, and I can't help that. I try to remember funny things about him.
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1 ReactionI am new to Mayo Connect. In the last year and a half I have lost two of sisters (ALS/sepsisleukemia) and my dog to an unexpected death. Having a conjunctival melanoma cancer recurrence. I write. I’ve started reaching out to friends of the past also spoke with a funeral home about support groups that I can attend in person.
I have a great backbone, however, it’s time for even me to recognize that this is a lot of grief to try to backbone up and manage on my own.
Hugs to all!!!
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4 ReactionsThat is an amazing and beautiful approach--to make 700 masks!
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