How to tell family about your diagnosis?

Posted by lynnstefanik89 @lynnstefanik89, Jan 3 3:36pm

Hello,
I have been avoiding telling my adult children about my diagnosis. I need to do it now before any kind of treatment starts.
I'm 56 years old and I know this will come as a huge shock to everyone since I have never had any health issues. Any advice on how to tell them?
Thank you!

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@kayabbott

I don't have cancer, but my MGUS is ramping up. No symptoms yet. I did tell my sister because I needed to talk with someone other than my (supportive) husband about the possibilities that nip at our heels. If it does turn into MM in a few months or years then I'll tell friends once I'm obviously sick/immunocompromised and will minimize the impacts it has on me. It is great to have friends that one can share with, but when I got celiac disease 15 years ago I had to be careful when eating out (gluten), asking waitstaff if the food was safe to eat. Just dining out with friends irked them; one said "you don't have celiac, you have some gluten intolerance but mostly stresses and you need to stop getting on people's nerves". They still don't accept it. I suppose I need new friends but hard to find them when you are older. I'm 70 and fill the spaces with volunteer work.

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@kayabbott No sense in sharing your upcoming concerns to anyone until you feel ready to. Think ahead to what some might say or react, questions you might have asked to you. It might put you into a funk, or have you questioning your decision to say anything!

Like you, before sharing with family and friends about changes in my diagnoses, I was able to go to a sibling to "just talk", which seems to take the pressure off. Choosing someone who will not ask a lot but offer support is important. Then when you are ready, try doing a group email out, blind copying people if need be. Most recently, in July, that was the format I did, and it worked out well.
Ginger

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Thank you all for your wise words and support. I have a composite lymphoma diagnosis (Cll and MZL) with all sorts of concerning sypmtoms. My adult kids took it pretty well. The toughest was telling my son who has two kids, (my sweet grandkids). I simplified my explanation since all of this is so confusing to someone who has never heard of lymphoma. It's a weight off my shoulders and I am
trying not to have any expectations. My husband is a constant support so I am very lucky. Thanking you all from the bottom of my heart, Lynn

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Yes, it’s fine to tell people on a need to know basis, especially people who ask more than they help. Finding a/few helpful support person(s) is/are key to help keep balance and perspective. Uncertainty and unknowns is hard to deal with but can be easier when shared. Sometimes a paid counselor can be part of your support anc healthcare team. Good luck!

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@tuckie

Hi
As the wife of the husband with the diagnosis of leukaemia I felt it my job to tell my very young children.
I read them stories at night and every now and again would make up a story depicting their Dad - why he was tired etc.
There was no treatment except a blood test every 3 months.
You will find the best way. Your children's ages is dependant how you tell them. You will know.
The other spouse needs comforting too.
No hospice assistance in the days I had to go through it at aged 33 years.
Take care, JOY. (Tuckie)

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Thank you for sharing this with us. You are such a brave and beautiful person. I give you so much credit for bringing young children and yourself through an awful journey. You're an inspiration to me.

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