How to tell family about your diagnosis?

Hello lynnstefanik89: I am so sorry to hear you have to start 2025 with this hanging over your head. News that is hard to hear is usually best to start out with "I have a good prognosis for what we are all going to be facing this year, and I may need some help and support to keep me looking toward the future with a good outlook to cross bridges as we come to them."
I don't know your background for religion, I don't know if you ever call "family meetings," or how many are in your family or their ages. I assume since you're are midway to 60, that any offspring is in their 30's, I don't know if you are married, but if so, he needs to be the first one to share the news with and ask him how he thinks it would be best to break the news to other family. I don't know if your parents are still alive, or how active they are, or if they are involved in religion, but a senior looking at tough times ahead for their own child will probably need a little more support himself or herself.
Honestly, you need to get your own internal strength from whatever it is you believe in and keep on trucking forward while doing things or reading things or listening to things that uplift your mood. Look into alternatives to feeling sorry for yourself, even when you have a good reason to, and if you have to spend a day crying and getting it out then do so by yourself, but prepare for the headache that comes with it. Yoga and meditation and diffusing essential oils may help you get through the tough periods, but just always be honest with family and friends and tell them what you need because they aren't mind readers and won't know when you want to be left alone, or when you want to hear laughter surrounding you and be a part of it. No matter what, get outside whether to sit, take short walks, enjoy listening to raindrops and thunder, enjoy sunrises and sunsets and look for the moon and stars before going to bed at night, because that keeps you connected to the universe and the beauty offered in Nature that we all take for granted. If you have a space, plant some flowers to care for knowing that they will be dependent on you for TLC so they can grow and flourish and add more life and beauty to the Nature surrounding you. Stay positive when you feel your worst, knowing that the next day will be better then the bad one you are having. Wishing you a hoarde of abundant smiles to achieve each daily goal you set for yourself, and I hope you do set daily goals for yourself, even if it is to just get out of bed and open a door just to feel the air or sunshine on your face.
Sharon

Thank you Sharon for your beautiful words. I will most certainly take your advice. I can't tell you how much it means to know others have gone through the same things. This helps so much with the conversations I will have this weekend. With heartfelt appreciation, Lynn

@lynnestefanik89 As you already read, this is a tough way to start 2025! It's a tough way to start any any weekend. I'm sorry to hear that you have a rough road ahead of you. You did not indicate what your diagnosis is that you have received.

My only suggestion is what worked for me. I am not known to sugarcoat things, and before I spoke to my family I made sure I had good solid information about what was going on and what might be happening in the future. I wanted to be able to address questions posed to me. Has it been easy? No. Was it beneficial? Yes. I have received unexpected support from some family members and friends. Take into account the people that you will be dealing with and their comfort level in other situations. Do what feels best for you. Remember that you don't have to say everything all at once, if you don't want to. Perhaps letting them know that there are some medical concerns in your near future and you will let them in on information when you have it. Giving it piece by piece may be what suits your situation best, and is not so overwhelming.

What are you doing for yourself? Do you have a super best friend or family member that you can really turn to? Someone who will be right there by your side all the way through? If this diagnosis is a cancer diagnosis, check with the social workers at your cancer clinic and ask for help. That's their job and they will step up with you.

For now I'm sending you big hugs and hope that you will let us know how the conversation goes?
Ginger

Love this advice!

@lynnstefanik89 What a tough way to start off 2025. I’m sorry. It sounds like you may by now know what sort of cancer you have, its staging, possibly a statistical prognosis and your treatment plan. It does help to have that information when breaking such tough news to people who love you lots and who will have their worlds rocked. They will ask the same questions you asked your medical team.

Personally I did choose who in my extended family I felt could handle my diagnosis up front (stage 4 appendix cancer with a very poor prognosis initially). Not just because I needed support, and not be the one providing support. But because I felt certain family members would be better off not knowing until they needed to know (eg one is mentally fragile and another ill herself and focussed on her own situation).

I knew it would be easier to expand those who I told once I knew myself how I was responding to treatment: Whether they needed to know either to have time to prepare for a terminal outcome or to take comfort in a positive trajectory.

Some family members I told when I was well into treatment and side affects were tough and I could not fulfil all family obligations including my share of looking after our elderly father/grandfather.

Others who I didn’t see often I only told when I was declared NED after 9 months of treatments.

It’s not easy.

I don’t regret how I chose to go about it. It’s such a personal decision taking into account your own needs as well as those of each member of your family.

Please do keep us posted how you went 🙏🌺 Wishing you the very best with your treatment

Hi Lynn! Thats my Daddy’s name! You’re in good company! I am sorry to hear about your prognosis. It’s not easy to hear those words. I think I have PTSD just from that alone! Lol. It’s not an easy road to go alone. You will need your family to bolster you and love you and they will need to do this. God was my Rock and strength thru it all on the lonely late nights when you feel like you can’t call at 3am and you’re going thru it, but letting my friends and family know early on helped me come to terms with it and know I was not fighting for myself but for them. Most of my friends and family were told thru facebook because I didn’t have to repeat the story so much, but first I let my sisters know, then my ex so he would be prepared for anything with our son, who is high functioning on the spectrum, and then my son. My younger sister took care of my in the hospital better than the nurses did and stayed with me every day. Then helped me research and prepare for treatment. My church sent me daily cards in the mail thru treatment. All of that got me thru. There will still be times you feel alone and helpless, but if you have your people and faith you will get thru it and there is a rainbow on the other side! I am entering my second bout with it, so this time seems different. I am praying for time. I am cherishing each moment I have with my son. I don’t know my chances this time around 🙂 But grab the ones you love the most and draw them closer. They will want to help and you need to let them. Its ok to weak and sad for a moment. But don’t get sucked in so far that you can’t get out. Let them know in a succinct way what you know what you don’t know and course of action and what you need for support. Let them love you. Its the best gift you can give them!

There is no correct way.

I have one daughter. I had my sister come with me. My daughter's love language is food so I picked up her favorites and we went to her house. When she finished eating. I told her. Her response wasn't what I feared. She was accepting and matter of fact about the situation.

You have multiple kids and my bet is each will experience the news differently. Maybe you talk to each individually, not in a group. Do you have a close person who could be with you as you explain to your children? It's very empowering to have a back stopper with you at times like this.

Denise

Hi
As the wife of the husband with the diagnosis of leukaemia I felt it my job to tell my very young children.
I read them stories at night and every now and again would make up a story depicting their Dad - why he was tired etc.
There was no treatment except a blood test every 3 months.
You will find the best way. Your children's ages is dependant how you tell them. You will know.
The other spouse needs comforting too.
No hospice assistance in the days I had to go through it at aged 33 years.
Take care, JOY. (Tuckie)

What exactly is your diagnosis? When I was diagnosed, my young kids and husband had already suspected something was “off,” so having a name for it was helpful to all of us.
You can share as little or as much as you’re comfortable with. The main things my loved ones wanted to know was how my life/their lives might change/remain the same. For us, fortunately nothing much changed other then me seeing a lot of MDs and having a lot of treatments over the past 25 years.

I don't have cancer, but my MGUS is ramping up. No symptoms yet. I did tell my sister because I needed to talk with someone other than my (supportive) husband about the possibilities that nip at our heels. If it does turn into MM in a few months or years then I'll tell friends once I'm obviously sick/immunocompromised and will minimize the impacts it has on me. It is great to have friends that one can share with, but when I got celiac disease 15 years ago I had to be careful when eating out (gluten), asking waitstaff if the food was safe to eat. Just dining out with friends irked them; one said "you don't have celiac, you have some gluten intolerance but mostly stresses and you need to stop getting on people's nerves". They still don't accept it. I suppose I need new friends but hard to find them when you are older. I'm 70 and fill the spaces with volunteer work.