Oh my heart goes out to you. You are showing such courage and love under such intense circumstances.
My husband had an allogenic transplant this last August at Mayo Rochester to treat his high risk MDS. It has been quite a ride with blood infections, c diff and sluggish blood counts. My husband is 74 (“a young 74” he insists) and is, like your husband, used to being very strong active and independent.
As Lori says, allogenic BMT was a whole new thing and took every coping skill each of us has. I manage his meds and appointments. For awhile there were personal cares and just the constant vigilance.
I had a lot of support long distance from friends and family and my husband always does his best to cooperate although he hates to ask for help and would often gloss over symptoms. I was there to bring the realness.
We just got home a month ago. I still cry with joy nearly every day.
We continue to face challenges and the possibility of relapse as his chimerism is not coming on very strong.
Please please give yourself grace and get every bit of help you can. This is an epic journey and will take all you have, but each day is a new chapter. Blessings on you and your dear one.