Getting over the fear of death?

Hi babyblues262,
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time dealing with the subject of your eventual death. We don't want things to end but we know that they will. I know it's hard to feel that God is real and not just made up; but he is real and so is his son, Jesus Christ whose birth we celebrate this Christmas season. But how do you get to the point of actually believing in them? I would suggest starting with a prayer to God. Just ask God to help you find him and to help you deal with the fear you have of death. Put everything in God's hands and tell him all that you are feeling. Then, just have faith and wait for the answers. After all, what have you got to lose? Also if you look at the flowers, trees, mountains, oceans, sunsets, stars, the moon and all the beautiful things in this world that only God made, it helps to believe he exists.
You could try reading the Bible. I would suggest the King James Version. It's the original and they didn't change the wording in it like they did in some of the other versions. Start at page one and read a little each day. It's very interesting too from a historical aspect. By the way, when you come across the word, "Kine" in the Bible, it's an old word that means cows. Remember too, there is a Heaven. When we die, we go to Heaven to meet again with our loved ones. My husband just died in July. I miss him terribly but I feel good because I know I'll be with him in Heaven when I die.
I haven't had a near death experience but I did see my St. Bernard after he died. My mom saw him too but not at the same time that I did. I also saw my mom after she died. So, there is something very real to the "life after death" concept.

I wish you the best. Keep praying and having faith. I will say a prayer for you too.
PML

Have no fear! I know hard to do! Eternally life is something I look forward to! You will have many greet you! Fear not - you shall never be alone and out worldly broken down bodies will be made whole again!!!❤️

I have always had a profound fear of dying and death, I think it goes back to when I was younger, I would have terrible feelings of angst when someone I knew died. I think it’s probably because death is an unknown thing and no one has ever come back to say it was wonderful. I also fear how I will die, will it be agonizing or hopefully fast, there are times that I wish I was more religious because people seem to do much better who believe in the afterlife. I’ve had loved ones visit me in my dreams and it felt so real but then my doubts would return and I’d tell myself that it was just a dream. I have survived cancer twice in the past five years so naturally death is on my mind and I feel that it’s normal to think about it when dealing with serious illness, I try very hard to live in the moment and not think too much about the end of life. I don’t buy a lot of things for myself because I don’t need them but it still feels good to treat myself to something I like, no one really knows when their time is up and that’s a good thing, the alternative would be awful. I understand how you feel and it’s not uncommon but I think you will feel better if you try something new just for the experience, it could possibly change the way you think about your life.

You have come to realize life is finite. That’s an empty emotional feeling. I wrestle with some of the same feelings.. What matters and what is important now?
There is good news — we’re in the Christmas season. God sent us hope, love and eternal peace. To help me through this difficult time of grief, I attended a Blue Christmas service. I found it helpful and uplifting. Amen.
I will pray for you.

@babyblues262 I’m 72 years old and like you I am a cancer survivor. My most profound experience with death was losing my mother when she was 75-years-old and I was in my 40’s. I understand death and dying from an intellectual and rational point of view. But emotionally? That’s far more difficult for me. I understand my own anxieties about death more by reading Irvin Yalom’s website.

Have you read any books by Irvin Yalom, MD? He is a psychiatrist now in his 90’s and is a most prolific writer of fiction, narratives about his therapy experiences with his patients, and his work on group therapy is *the* handbook in psychology and psychiatry.

Dr. Yalom’s theories of approaching his patients is based on existential psychology. He writes about the four big existential concerns: death, meaningless, isolation, and freedom. These all can cause anxiety in lives and he has been writing frequently about death as he nears his own. Dr. Yalom’s work is very accessible and highly readable to everyone.

Irvin Yalom’s website lists his books:

— https://www.yalom.com/books

Do you think you might like to read some of Dr. Yalom’s work?

I love to read, so I will check those out!

in reply to @babyblues262 I understand, and I am very sorry that you are suffering so. When I received my diagnosis of Primary Immune Deficiency and learned that "they" have changed an incurable disease into a chronic disease, it took me a long time to decide whether or not I wanted IV treatment "for the rest of my life." The first 6 months after I returned from a medical convention in Chicago in June, I could not leave my apartment without having a meltdown. However, with some journaling and the help of a therapist, I finally learned to accept that my disease was a "gift" that could help me education others about the disease. This does not mean that I am not grieving, but rather I have learned to feel gratitude and grief at the same time. Often I do lay in bed at night and wonder if I should put tags on some valuables I have so that my sister does not throw away an expensive painting I bought years ago, or toss out items that have real value. Often I even clean up my apartment before I go to bed, do my hair "just in case..." LOL. The crazy things we do when we get "older" or are suffering from so many different maladies. I had to put a sign next to my bed that says, "grateful," as a constant reminder that when I wake up, I know that someone else did not, and I feel lucky. This is not meant to diminish your fear of death, but rather tell you what has worked for me. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer 22 years ago and she died 6 weeks after her diagnosis. I will never forget what she said to the doctor when he told her she had at best 6 months..."well, I could step off a curb and get hit by a bus tomorrow...." Make each day count....that is what I learned from her death, and I try my best to make each day count. Not living as though it is my last day, but making sure that "it" counts. The other thing that helps me is complimenting others, as it makes the other person feel good, and in return I feel good because I helped someone who might be having a terrible day, which happens a lot lately. I am an artist and through my art I create things that are akin to death, and this helps me processa and fears I might have about dying, which right now I am not thinking about. Even if you got a piece of wood and stuck things on it, it might help you "reframe" your thoughts (even if I hate that word." Music is also helpful. Listening to songs from years ago "when things were better" has been helpful. I am not religious by any stretch of imagination, but I did join the Episcopal church and have met some wonderful people who don't care what I believe in or not. They talk about the envirnoment, helping others, blessing pets and things like that. I go when I can and I always feel so much more empowered when I see my friends, have a coffee with them etc. I am so sorry about the way you are feeling, and my heart goes out to you because I have been where you are right now...be well and at peace

@babyblues262 A counselor once asked me, "what do you want to live for?" and I did not have answer...needless to say I hit rock bottom a couple of years ago. I am healthy with minor cardiac issues, have a great career, a family, the suburbs, the whole bit. However, one night I realized the one thing I was missing was love. The passion that sustains me. While I still struggle with this myself, it gave me hope for the first time in a long while. I realized having love in your life for one day is worth any five days without it. So my feeling is that the beauty and purpose is in the quality of the now. Worrying what will happen someday will take away the potential of today.

@mikekennedy759 Thank you for your words. I will admit that I am really struggling right now with fear. I am afraid of coming to Mayo and getting a terminal diagnosis, afraid of being away from my family and my dog for days of testing, afraid of the 4 hour drive, basically afraid of everything. But I am also afraid of continuing to feel like total crap every day and not fully participating in my life or being fully present for my kids.

@frances007 Do you think going to a church has helped you? I find myself struggling with religion and the picture of an all knowing and all loving God that allows such suffering.