Confused and sad

Thank you Jason.

Saw your question and the responses. Seems I will have to give it a try.

Have a healthy New Year.

D

Hi @johannha36, you might be interested in these 2 related discussions:
- Length of Lupron effects after treatment concludes
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/length-of-lupton-effects-after-treatment-concludes/
- After failed radiation and Lupron what comes next?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/after-failed-radiation-and-lupron-what-comes-next/
What stage is your husband's prostate cancer? How is he doing?

Good Luck Narus,
I realize that medicine is an ever evolving practice and science. I sincerely wish you success on your journey. I am not as brave, to reject my current protocol and actively inject Testesterone, that is quite a stretch for me. Eventhough my former self and life has been unalterately altered for my hope of greater longevity. Yes, I too have been impacted and diminished in every way you have described.
Kayefo, friend and all; we are given many gifts, talents and experiences in this life. It is difficult to give them up as they have been so joyious and fulfilling, perhaps even defining our self-image our very sense of self and our connection with the Universe. Aging into and through my 70's, I am learning that releasing those gifts with a sense of gratitude may be helpful in eliminating stress. I can still listen to music and do "touch dancing" with my Wife: a short waltz, a much shorter vienna waltz, a little disco hustle and I have to sit for a long time to recover. But we still smile, laugh at our situation and life, and enjoy each other. I wish I could do things for other people as I use to, but alas that strength and endurance has left me forever. I wish you and all reading this great comfort, warmth and hope in this life with a longing for the next. God's Strength and Grace to you all and to our troubled World.

I'm not sure I am in the right spot, but I would like advice for my wife. I am 58 and just went through the radiation for PC. I was lucky to only have to do the 5 treatments. It has been two weeks, today, since I had my last treatment. During the two weeks of treatment, I was doing great. I am assuming I was still coming down from my TRT. I know now my testosterone is basically nonexistent. My wife is very upset with me and says I am not communicating, and I am not being intimate. I love her and I hug and kiss her throughout the day, but by the end of the day, I am tired and not feeling so loving. It seems that side effects are still here, and I feel good some days and not so good others. The part that hurts right now is that she says I am so selfish. I don't know what to say. I understand she is going through a lot and having to hold things together.

Hard to understand where your wife is coming from. Did you have ADT along with your 5 sessions, or just radiation? Your T should be OK ( diminished a bit but not terrible) if you only had radiation.
Someone - you or your doctor or PA should have already had this discussion with you both before treatment.
Two weeks is not enough time to get back to where you were sexually. If you are on hormones that’s really a long term wait ( months) as your T is basically wiped out along with your libido.
If no ADT you should at least be on 5 mgs Cialis daily to maintain the blood vessels in the penis. My best friend just had the same procedure at Sloan and he’s been on it since he finished radiation.
Also, you need time to work thru your own feelings about how this cancer has changed your life; if you do not you will never be able to respond to your wife’s feelings on the matter - emotionally or physically.
You really need to sit down with her and tell her how you feel - both about yourself and the two of you together. This is NOT the time to “man up” or become stoic - that is the worst thing you can do. If you are not one of those who “shares”, perhaps a therapist - someone non judgemental who can offer some advice and insight - is who you should speak to or maybe a couples therapist?
I went thru a rough patch after my father died and started treating my wife poorly - ice cold, non communicative, nasty, distant - and couples therapy really helped us get thru it. In fact, I enjoyed it so much I went on to see my own therapist who helped me work out the bad relationship I had with my father, and my reasons for lashing out at my wife when he died!
One thing’s for sure, you can’t let this current situation remain as it is. Your marriage could be at stake.

As has been said, you need to communicate to her, she is going through this journey with you and she should be included. For me, I've been lucky enough to have my wife go to every appointment with me, I don't want to try it without her. I go every month to see the Doctor and to get my treatment shot. This is not something us guys can go it alone, the journey is too long and hard. I wish you the best on your journey. Best to all.

It could be fatigue or depression resulting from his diagnosis and treatmen or it could also be he's just not that into you

I can share my experience and hope it helps you. I had radiation and six months of androgen deprivation therapy (chemical castration). I didn't experience a lot of physical effects like most guys--no hot flashes, no tiredness beyond the first couple weeks after radiation, etc. However, I experienced the worst mental effects I've ever experienced--a deep depression, suicidal thoughts, crying a lot, not eating for days at a time, and, in hindsight the worst of all, wanting to be left completely alone.

After about four months of this, I finally admitted to myself that I needed help and went to see a therapist who made me see I'm the type to take care of others, and that I had to learn to surrender for awhile and let others take care of me. This wasn't easy. I thought this would make people think less of me but the reverse turned out to be true--lots of people WANTED to help.

You love this man so it is painful for you to see him this way. I can tell you it is painful for him too, but he's probably not ready yet for you to see that.

Would he be up for doing anything low stress such as having dinner in a restaurant for an hour? Going for a walk? If not, is there something you could ask him to help you with that wouldn't be too stressful but would make him feel like he is still useful? Most of us guys like to show our love by doing things for those we love and, of course, through sex. The second one may be gone for awhile but maybe the first is still on the table?

@gdwsuperman, this sounds like a confusing and sad situation for both you and your wife. While you may feel like you are communicating, your wife feels left out of how you are feeling. Does it feel like 2 people talking, but speaking a different languages?

Cancer treatment affects sexuality and intimacy. The evolving changes can be challenging for couples to navigate.

Jennifer A. Vencill, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and psychologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota who specializes in sexual health after cancer treatment explains more in this article.
- Regaining sexual health after cancer treatment https://cancerblog.mayoclinic.org/2022/01/19/regaining-sexual-health-after-cancer-treatment/

It can help couples to talk about it with a sex therapist specializing in cancer or an oncology social worker.

@gdwsuperman, do you think it might help to get a referral to a therapist or social worker?