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How to build him up when he wants to tear me down.
Caregivers | Last Active: 4 days ago | Replies (15)Comment receiving replies
I just can't win this game and likely have to just accept that I'll be a punching bag for the next 4-5 weeks (or however long it takes for treatment side-effects to wear off and recovery to begin). Two more chemo appts and 11 more radiation treatments. I understand this is physically taxing on him in addition to mentally challenging. Having to eat large quantities even when not hungry to keep from losing weight, an absolute fear of a feeding tube, soreness and pain in the mouth from radiation, all on top of a cold 2 weeks ago that seems to want to linger around.
I get that all this has made some very large blinders to what I've been up to but I just need to be seen and acknowledged by him for one second! I spent hours in the front yard last weekend at the tail end of a cold tidying up things to keep the new HOA management company away as things had gotten out of hand given my time, I run to the grocery store every other day getting things in hopes he will eat them, I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the travertine floors and shower after hearing the house is "filthy", laundry every other day, today I have to fix a toilet that decided to freeze up the handle and no longer flush. I'm exhausted.
And friends? No, really. None. Zero. I've reached out online to those I once called friends and it has been radio silence. I know it's hard to know what to say to someone going through something negative and to willingly expose yourself hearing about negative things but dang.
Mayo does offer a support group here for caregivers weekly - it just unfortunately happens to be the one hour of the week I am committed to our business and need to be present for that. My luck...
Replies to "I just can't win this game and likely have to just accept that I'll be a..."
I am so sorry. I feel some of the things you are having! It seems nothing is ever done right..I am the reason he is dealing with with everything! He can be so mean! I usually go into another room and count to 10 or cry! He says the most bizarre stuff and really believes it to be true...But he said the table needs dusting. "I said write your name in the dust" .I am not going to be told by him how to clean.I actually do a great job! This is not how I expected to grow old and be told things that are not true. I on the other hand have a best friend who comes over and stays a couple hrs. She checks on me! I value her friendship and the love she shows us both! I do give her a heads up if needed. You can talk with me when you can! Hugs
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Good Morning! How has your day been so far? Mine has been kind of quiet as my husband sleeps alot. but after he has taken his narcotics, he starts to make these horrible grunting noises, hollers at the tv and sometimes he slurs his words when talking to me. He talks to himself constantly. Then he gets angry and starts yelling and swearing about everything. I try and stay in the other room where the kitchen and dining room are. Can you get someone to stay with him for a few hours so you could get away? Go shopping, go eat somewhere or just ride around. Are you spiritual? If so, do you have a priest or pastor that you could meet somewhere for some prayer and encouragement? I can't afford to pay someone to stay with him, but I do get out. I won't leave while he is asleep because I worry he will stop breathing. But once he is awake, if I have somewhere to go, like grocery shopping, I go. But like you, I try and buy him things that I think he may like, but usually he won't eat it. I don't cook for him because he does not like whatever I make. So he makes his own microwaveable meals. He drinks about 12 or more cups of coffee and many times lately, he forgets to put the cup under the keurig where the coffee comes out and we have a mess. Yesterday, he was dizzy and his balance was all out of wack, but he refused to use his walker. So I just let him lurch around. I live in Pennsylvania about an hour away from Pittsburg, but we use the hospital in Indiana pa. It is much closer and I don't have to deal with all the crazy drives in pittsburg. I admire you because you seem to be able to handle the mechanical things that break. I also admire your patience but if I were in your shoes, I would tell him enough is enough. All the cleaning and taking care of a business is not going to be good for your health. You need to take care of YOU! It is called tough love. You don't need to take the abuse he is dishing out or you will end up in the hospital yourself. I don't know how old you are but no matter, that kind of behavior he is showing would wear anyone down. If he has dementia, it will only get worse. Maybe you should consult an elder attorney about the financial things if you were to put him into a nursing home. Or talk to your doctor and ask questions about whether or not he is at the point to be in an institution dementia patients. It is time for you to take a stand for yourself! Keep in touch.