So sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband has advanced stage iv lung cancer and advanced copd. He does not abuse me in any way, but he refuses all help that has been suggested to him. He has been on oxycodone since 2018 due to spinal stenosis and degenerative disc disease. The problem was the he got addicted to them and abused them. He overdosed on them in september this year and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Then on Dec 11 he had his firt chemo treatment and he has not been himself since. On sunday, I had to call the ambulance again because he went in respiratory distress and was again non reponsive. Well, on wednesday he signed a AMA form and called me to come get him. They were giving him 5 mg oxy while he is used to taking 100 of oxy at home. This was approved by palliative care. IN addition to his 80 mg oxycodone he always takes a day, they added 20 mg of oxycontin er10. His co2 levels were critical. The hospital wanted him to use a bipap there and at home, but he refused. They also wanted him to eat thickened food and drink which he refused to do. When he went into the hospital he had a DNR written up but changed it while there to full code. The bipap would push out the co2 while he was sleeping so that this would not happen again,but he said he did not need it. He does have oxygen at home which he rarely uses. The doctor told him the importance of maintaing awareness of the respiratory effects of escalating pain control with narcotics. Said there may come a point that pain control and a full code status might be imcompatible. In other words, they may not be able to bring him back at some point. He is cachetic which means he is wasting away. He only wants to be home so he can use his drugs. He sleeps most of the time but when he is awake, he grunts, groans and talks to himself. When he talks to me, he is so confused. So while I don't have the abuse like you do, I do have the loneliness. I have people to talk to but I don't think they really understand what us caregivers have to go through. Venting online is helpful but talking to someone that undertands is what is missing for me. Praying that you get through this.