Why do they always say condition is far worse than the reality?

Posted by robertwills @robertwills, 6 days ago

I have been visiting a sick relative for months now. When I first arrived another family member, someone very "smart" and college educated, told me things that sounded so bad but were in fact not the reality at all. For example, they said that "Soon, within weeks, they (the patient) won't ever be able to walk again." Well, they have been walking fine for months now. I spoke with a doctor at the facility who told me that wasn't the case at all and the patient should be able to walk for the foreseeable future to possibly many years in the future. Recently, this same family member told me that they (the patient) now has a serious type of condition. I didn't think so, and didn't argue, and asked a nurse who told me that they did not have the condition at all.

So what goes on here? Why do they say things that are far worse or serious things that don't even exist? Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon? Is it psychological or just dumb?

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I know of a case in which a patient's son sent everyone "updates" that gave the worst possible view of everything.

Turns out he wanted people to think the situation was highly dramatic as a means of drawing attention to himself, as some sort of medical expert. (This from a guy who never attended a day of college in his life.)

To me, he shamelessly exploited his father's condition and situation. I was thoroughly disgusted by it.

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That is odd, but I’d be concerned that medical professionals were discussing medical information about a patient, unless they have a written release.

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Some people think more of themselves than they do of others. They may have a narcissistic personality, maybe even a disorder. Some people are too smart for their own good. And some smart people are just plumb wrong about stuff.

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It could be the person you speak of is preparing themselves for the worst case scenario? But I don't know.
I thought you were talking about a friend with Parkinson's disease, which is what I have. I know it's progressive but (cross fingers on both hands and say a little prayer), it's not as terrible as I thought it would be, at least not yet.

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That person has catastrophic thinking! So sorry you were going through this. Maybe this patient could share their medical chart with you on their portal online so you can read what’s going on and not rely on fiction

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@missey

That person has catastrophic thinking! So sorry you were going through this. Maybe this patient could share their medical chart with you on their portal online so you can read what’s going on and not rely on fiction

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I would say that but otherwise this person, as indicated, is smart but also is a reasonable and respected person in all other areas of their life. It doesn't make sense.

I don't need to see medical records. Just being there and asking simple questions to the personnel I can see what's going on and it's usually far better than what I was told. When I asked a nurse recently they were absolutely sure that what I was told was completely wrong. The patient is not in perfect health but they are definitely not in the "dire straights" that I was made to believe was the case. Definitely not.

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I call this "second hand" medical information--in my family it might even be a game of telephone! And sometimes I find the opposite of what you mention--folks say they are fine when they have something very serious or life-threatening. I don't know if this will help, but finally I've given up on ascertaining exactly what is going on. I just try to be supportive and present, to the degree that each relationship requires. I'm not sure if my family is just ultra vague or even secretive but since they never want medical advice (and I'm no doctor!) I'm kind of resigned to knowing I don't know! I do share your frustration. Thanks for sharing this--I think it is difficult.

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So easy to read Dr Google and extract the worst case scenario or, worse, locate persuasive stuff with no clinical foundation.

In this day and age all sorts of stuff gets easily and quickly spread by all sorts of people (including those with medical degrees but with strong personal belief systems) with the help of the internet.

Often with no bad motive, just a desire to share “knowledge”.

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All of us at some point in time has exaggerated or made a mountain out of a mole explaining personal experiences good or bad to others.

Exaggeration is a common human behavior to which we are all prone to and work diligently to suppress throughout our lives.

However, when exaggeration develops into a deliberate and habitual method of presenting inaccurate information, intensifying others' emotional expressions using catastrophic or grandiose descriptives, it constitutes manipulation.

1. Why is this person going out their way to over emphasize the family members condition?

2. What is their relationship to the one having some moderate health issues?

3. Have you communicated your concerns to the family member about the person who frequently makes inflated claims about their health?

🧐This is a good topic and thanks for sharing because we all have that one or more over exaggerator in the family and can use helpful tips to address this crazy issue.

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