emmiet
I did something like you. I took 2 years of gerontology classes, wanting to understand the aging process and how i might help my mom. I was one of five and dare i say, not my mom's favorite out of the three girls. I was though there visiting often whether she preferred another sibling. At her passing, we realized our younger brother was mom's executor of the estate.
My Mom never put in writing she wanted to be cremated. I had many conversations with her on many visits about the death and dying class i took. Our spiritual beliefs and the "ever after" once we passed. I am not sure any of the siblings spoke with her on this topic. Once my mom hit the end, where she could no longer take care of herself, she slid into hospice care after two rehab homes she went to with no progress. My brother thought she would recover once home. My gerontology classes showed Mom was winding down and her body and mind were closing down. Nothing i said affected what my siblings thought or felt. My Mom never wanted to be living in a bed and taken care of as she told me visiting her childhood friend who lived in the Motion picture home for seniors. Mom said never. But it is what happened.
She did though have a niece who lived with her become the in-house caregiver for the rest of her lie. Three of the siblings also helped. In the end my mom lived the life she wanted and the choices she made put her in a medical crisis and a road she never wanted.
msmac1- Bless you for staying in the circle and listening. I love how emmiet said it. "Comfortable or treatment"