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Peripheral Neuropathy & Conversation Fatigue?
Hello, all!
The other day, a friend accused me of talking too much about ‘medical stuff.’ (In my defense, I have not only peripheral neuropathy but also the residue of a bad sepsis infection.) My friend smiled as she ‘accused’ me, and I tried not to let what she said get to me. But it did. It bothered me the rest of that day and has trickled into my journal writing every day since.
I boast of not being one who goes on and on about his ‘medical stuff,’ even saying how much it wearies me when someone else goes on and on about their ‘medical stuff.’ (I say this, and yet I recognize––and have written so in my journal––that when people undergoing a common experience have a chance to talk, there is a measure of satisfaction in talking about that shared experience.) I don’t want to be someone who goes on and on (or shows impatience to others who do) because I don’t want to ‘bore’ my friends.
Some might say (and rightly so), ‘A true friend will never be bored!’ I agree.
But in my mind, there is a point where enough becomes enough.
Some months ago, I posted a piece I called ‘One-Trick Pony.’ I have never wanted to become a one-trick pony: a fellow who talks so much about what ails him that he BECOMES what ails him in the privacy of his friends’ minds.
I have peripheral neuropathy, yes––but I am NOT my peripheral neuropathy. I have a few leftover symptoms of a sepsis infection, yes––but I am NOT my leftover symptoms. I am a bundle of many things besides my diseases. (Oh please, I hope I am! :-))
Have others of you wrestled with this issue: Needing to find okay times to talk about what hurts you, but also never wanting to overdo it?
Ray (@ray666)
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My friend, Mary, and I have called those our "organ recitals" for years. We usually begin all conversations with them .. and sometimes they go on longer. It is very difficult to live with illness. For those of us still working into our late 70s, there is a comfort in begin able to say it out loud. What if you and your friend - or other friends - set a time limit on 'organ recitals' and if more time is needed, permission is asked for and hopefully granted? It would be a compromise.
Sometimes, I in fact AM my neuropathy and long-covid because it has taken over so much of my time to see docs and live w/ symptoms.
I trust with friends balance can be found. I wish you that.
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5 ReactionsI experienced negative feedback from a friend to the point that we didn’t speak for over a year. She told me I shouldn’t talk about my medical issues so much. I had gone through a lot of things within a relatively short period of time and I was very upset about them. I took offense to what she said and told her I was taking a break from the friendship. I didn’t say for how long. I also said I was going to work on myself. And, I did…….I worked on getting proper medical treatment and I started therapy for health anxiety.
(My friend had some issues too, that I was bothered by, such as being judgmental and bossy, so it wasn’t over the one thing.)
Over a year later we slowly returned to communicating and even had lunch. She was shocked to see my weight loss and commented on my positive attitude. I now no longer mention anything about my health with her. She has brought up a few things she has encountered with her health, like a back injury, cold, skin problems, etc. I’m not sure if our relationship will ever return to its former state. I don’t regret the reset though.
I also took the opportunity to put a huge filter on my health issues when I took a break from her. I rarely mention anything about my health issues to anyone, but my doctors and therapist. Of course, I post here and that’s the best for me.
So, I can relate. When my friend confronted me, it hurt my feelings. I hope you can find the right approach for your situation. I don’t recommend what I did, but it worked for me.
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11 ReactionsHi, jeindc (@jeindc)
Thanks for your reply! One thing you said did give an added smile (" … still working into our late 70s"). Me, too! At 79! 🙂
Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)
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2 ReactionsHi, Celia (@celia16)
My friend and I are still friends. We'll remain so, too (fingers crossed!).
Stay well!
Ray (@ray666)
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1 ReactionSoon 78 tho' very tired!
Ray, I'm a mere 72. I'm not sure if my symptoms will worsen, so I'm lucky in that my friends/family all have "something" and we joke about it and give each other equal air time. I appreciate your entry on this topic.
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3 ReactionsHi, pah17 (@pah17)
We joke, too. My post was somewhat tongue-in-cheek. It's hard not to chuckle now and then about this medical razz-ma-tazz when you get to our ages. 🙂
Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)
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2 ReactionsI so get what you are feeling Ray. People constantly ask me how I'm doing. I'm always thinking; You don't really want to know, or, where would I start, or, no one is able to understand any of what I'm going to say and of course how much time do we have? So I mostly give an amswer reflecting the general trend at the time unless they sought me out through a phone call or whatever
I am serious)y considering seeking some counseling to have an outlet for my feelings, anxieties and greif over the loss of my good health, sense of well being, and comfort. I do not want to burden others with that.
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4 ReactionsI am going to be having my first pain psychology appointment (virtual) from a medical center tomorrow. I am hoping that helps too, not just from the perspective of having someone to share the anxiety resulting from PN but who may have ways to cope or reframe what is happening.
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3 ReactionsBest wishes that this helps you in some ways.