Mental struggle I want to give up

My young, adult son, with depression, has often spoken words similar, if not spot on, to yours, @scottbeammeup. Although I have been situationally depressed (divorce, etc.), I do not feel that I can truly understand the pain he lives, with trying to keep going - every day. I can see it's exhausting. I continue to impress on him the need to talk, and sort out, with a professional. I think that he thinks, the conversations he has in his head are full circle and that "this is just the way it is and will be", and that "the universe will never line up" to improve his life. I have tried to convince him that not all counselors are alike. He doesn't understand that the counseling he got in grade school, is not the end all. It really matters to try and find the right fit.

I'm not highly educated in behavior health, but I do feel, based on my experience, that it's important to ask yourself, "What If?" Yes, this is how I feel right now, "but what if..." This leads to choices, and turning over rocks that seem too heavy to lift, just to see... What if the "universe" or "whatever" has a plan that you never dreamed possible? Keep an open mind to possibilities. Behavior is directly related to thoughts. Changing thoughts can change behavior, it's a fact. You are not a mistake, and there is a plan. Seek it.

"I’ve never felt connected with anyone on a personal level, I of course love my girlfriend but there are just some things I cannot share or show, simply because these aren’t things I feel anyone can solve."

Like What?
I know you say that with your mother, too, you could be 'fully' open with.
Were you able to be with the friend who recently died?
You must have because that's what 'friends' are -- as Aristotle would agree.

Your Reaction -- to seeking help from a therapist is very interesting as it shows me a Resentment toward someone who May be able to Understand You, but you so quickly rebuff that possibility. Could be because that the only person, your "friend" had died, leaving you Alone with your anguish?

We all need a life that we can look at and say: I did use my time on earth in ways that MATTER. Living a life of purpose -- more than simply one that provides for our basic needs. That is what differentiates us from other life forms.

Did you notice you reached us, the 'psudo-therapists' here? That's a good start, friend!
While self-reflection/CBT has its place, human problems are
often too complex to be understood alone.

Loneliness and exhaustion you feel are signs of deeper emotional needs that haven’t been addressed. It’s tough, but reaching out to someone who can listen—whether that’s a therapist, a loved one, or a support group—might help you start to process this.