Worried about my husband who had throat cancer: How to support him?

@worrywife, welcome. I can see that you are very worried. I moved your discussions into one discussion in the Head & Neck Cancers support and Caregivers support group, so that you can follow all the support and tips fellow members offer you in one place here:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/frist-time-wife-worried-about-my-husband-he-had-throat-cancer/
It sounds like your husband is still recovering, not only from treatment, but from the emotional toll cancer can have. It may take some time and patience before he is ready to open up. Fatigue after treatment may also be affecting him.

You might wish to ask for an appointment with a social worker specializing in cancer to talk through how you are feeling and what they might suggest how to support him. Most cancer centers have social workers. They help support patients, but also family members. Read more here:
- - How an Oncology Social Worker Can Help https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/newsfeed-post/how-an-oncology-social-worker-can-help/

That helps alot,but I know my husband won't talk to no one he doesn't know some . That is just him. But just reading what you said helps me tho for sure. As of right now he is outside getting wood taken breaks and resting in between which is good. We started out slow like taken corn back in the woods just to walk and all. But I have always said to him you got to move around and walk little by little, we did that for about may will ever since bow season started really. And now he is doing the wood which he kept putting off. He doesn't want help so I'm not pushing it. But I'm watching from the house to make sure he okay out back. He has his phone and I have mine so if he needs me . He was always doing stuff from the time he got up in the am until he went to bed. So he is kinda of listening what I'm saying. But I want him to do it I don't want to push him at all. Thank you so so much.❤️

Hi @worrywife As I read the previous comments, one thing stands out. This takes time. Radiation specifically more or less roasts a person from the inside out. It takes many months for this to heal.
In the meantime, consider having his thyroid levels checked. The reason for this is that often the thyroid is bruised or otherwise damaged by the radiation. Any significant variance in the thyroid TSH and/or Free T3 T4 levels results in lethargic or overactive behaviour of the patient. This simple blood test is often overlooked by healthcare after radiation but certainly has been a factor in many patients response to therapy including my own.
And finally, what your husband has just gone through, basically a near-death experience, can result in a basic shutting down of the outside world while he reflects on his life, your life, and the world around him. While for years he was in control of his life, that suddenly is or was no longer the case. Basically a form of PTSD, he has gone through something he has yet to wrap his head around. Usually the patient will work this out himself. For now, he is scared. "What if the cancer comes back?" "I should be better by now." "There is a new sore in my mouth and it could be cancer!" (it's likely not). "What if my next checkup has bad news?" Believe me, try living with those thoughts rolling around in your head and you will quickly understand his societal drop out as of late.
He is welcome to private message me for support. I have been through this and more. If not, I understand and don't push him. My advice: see if he shows improvement week to week, not day to day. And as my friend Winston used to say, "Courage!"

Thank you for commenting Mr. He is my life soul and heart. I won't push I'll let him decide. I just don't want him seating around not do nothing. But I have read they need to move and get the blood flowing and so on. But I always always keep a eye him the best I can. Again Thank you so much Mr. As for him talking to you not sure yet.

Mr I just remembered too all of his texts is all good,the only thing that is so so is the kidneys but I know he has to flush drink water but hates it.

Are your working with a Palliative Care team?
Palliative Care really helped us.
I wish we would have got them involved from the beginning, just to understand their services and how they are there to help us.
One drug that can cause diarrhea to one patient may cause contipation to you.
Over the long treatment schedule it can get to be too many balls for one inexperienced person/couple to juggle. We sometimes feel like were firefighters rushing to put out this fire only to have another fire ignite tomorrow. It can be overwhelming.
We may only have 1 chance to fight this fight, please avail yourself to help.
God bless and good luck.

Hello @worrywife. I am a 65-year-old woman that underwent radiation going on almost 5 years ago. That first year was the hardest. I felt bad for my husband, as he had to do all the mowing, and my garden was a no-go that year. The bed was something I yearned for as exhaustion overwhelmed me. However, I had also just undergone four months of Covid at the same time as the head radiation. The coughing was so intense that three of my ribs broke (unbeknownst to me but found in a follow-up CAT scan).
As that year progressed, my breathing became harder to do, as the mucus seemed stuck in my lungs. Finally, it was discovered my vocal cords had paralyzed (radiation or Covid or both?) and the mucus was trapped behind those "closed doors." So, barely making it alive to the operation, I had a Tracheotomy. This is where a hole is created in the neck and a tube is inserted. This operation saved my life, as toward the end of that year, just bending down to pick a dandelion would send me into a fear of dying. It felt like I was drowning. I would run in and jump onto the Saline Nebulizer or squirt Primatene Mist into my throat...which would help me breathe somewhat.
All that to say this: Most men do not like going to the doctor. My question to you is wondering if there is something else going on that he is reluctant to talk about? Maybe he is fearful of what the solution would be. My solution was something no one wants, a tube in their throat, yet it saved my life. If there is no underlying issue, then give it a year and see if he starts returning to his old self. He may never be exactly as he was before cancer, but he should begin doing his routine again.
I thank God I listened to my ENT and went ahead with the dreaded surgery. I can do all my inside and outside work now. Lastly, like many people as they age, I do get tired more easily. Whatever the reason for his inactivity, please mention it to his doctor. Also, has he considered counseling? Could he be depressed from his near-death experience with having the dreaded cancer? One thing that really helps us with all of life's problems is reading The Bible together at night and praying together. Best Wishes to you. That quiet, still voice may give you the answer. You and he are in my thoughts.

He still has follow up appts still going some scran too,he is a type of person that he doesn't want ppl to worry nor baby him that makes him upset he doesn't like that never need. But thnk you so so so much ma'ma. Yesterday was a good day he went outside to cute wood but I watch from the house tho,just to give him his space some.

But I'm always checking on him during the night making sure he is sleeping good too.

I had the same cancer and treat 7 chemo and 35 radiation and a treach Also went for hyperbaric oxygen treatment 2hrs-a day 5 days a week for 60 days saved my voice box also had a feeding tube which stopped my weight loss and gave me strength to fight back Be there for him it’s a difficult and emotional thing to go through but it will get better be patient and all taste will come back takes time and rest last thing to come back is energy.Keep the faith it gets better