I was diagnosed with two different cancers in my left breast in April of 2013. I felt the cancer in my nipple and knew something was wrong. I decided to have bilateral mastectomies on July 15, 2013. The 4th day, my husband took me home and within a half hour had left to go golfing. I couldn't even open a pill bottle! I should not have been surprised because he was never there when I was sick. I got lucky and didn't have to have chemo or radiation. I didn't think I would ever set foot in the Cancer Institute again. Low and behold, just 3-1/2 years later my back pain got so bad that I went to Urgent Care and from there to another doctor because they didn't know what was wrong. I found out my back is pretty much full of cancer, the clavicle, ribs spine, pelvis and some in my femur. I wish someone would have told me to watch for back pain!! So that was February of this year. I have had two rounds of radiation and was hospitalized for 3 days in May to try to get my pain under control. This was the most horrendous pain I have ever had! I was almost screaming and sobbing at the same time. I hated that my son and Mom and Dad had to see me like that. After radiation, my pain was gone for 2 months. It came back and has steadily increased, even though my CT was good in October. It seems that my morphine and Flexeril aren't doing anything for my pain now. I have been very depressed today. I go through this about every 3 weeks. I feel like I have nothing to live for. The world goes on around me and I sit in my apartment. I have heard many times, but what about your kids? I have the best kids in the world and they will live without me. I just don't want to end up like a few friends who laid in bed dying while their family watched in terrible pain.