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I am glad to find this group. My heart goes out to those who become convinced that ending their life is a better alternative than the pain of the hopeless darkness that lies ahead. I totally and unexpectedly lost a wonderful son at the age of 20 to suicide. I too have been affected by what I refer to as the "demons of darkness" (depression). I too have felt experienced the feelings of hopelessness. Following our son's death, I question the entire meaning of life. My entire belief system was turned inside out. I don't know what to believe, who to believe, etc. I live in constant fear that another son who has struggled for years with addiction and alcoholism will end his life over the guilt of his brother's death. I simply ask anyone who has considered suicide or who has attempted it to please consider the impact it would have on so many people. Clearly, the mind convinces us that nobody would care, and people would be better off -- but it simply is not true. I know. I am truly amazed to find out how many people contemplate the decision at points in their lives. We are not alone. If someone in that situation is reading this, please seek help. Please talk with someone. I know your pain is great, but consider for a moment the pain of the lives you leave behind. I have mixed feelings writing this, because I have know the hopelessness you feel. Hang on for the people in your life. We owe it to them.
Replies to "I am glad to find this group. My heart goes out to those who become convinced..."
@tbaxter33 - I started this discussion awhile back to interact with others who have attempted suicide. In 2005 & 2006, when I was at my most suicidal, I was in a very deep, dark hole of depression, and from that place, perspective didn't exist. A lot of things disappeared in that hole. Hope, self value, love for others, pleasure, joy, care, appetite, faith, appreciation, balance, to name a few. As you and anyone who has experienced depression know, it messes with the brain. We sometimes become people no one recognizes, including ourselves. Being told things that were obvious to us pre-depression has no preventive effect on us in the midst of a suicidal episode.
In my rational moments, I acknowledge the pain I would leave in the wake of my suicide. Those thoughts have kept me alive the past 12 years, along with some good therapy and treatment for depression and other mental health issues.
Of course, I don't speak for everyone who attempts or commits suicide. My experience is mine alone. Other people have a million other reasons for their actions. Some people say there's an epidemic of suicide in America today. My therapist told me recently that today, the most at risk group statistically is senior adult males. The news tends to report on the teen suicide.
I love my family, and truly don't want to be the cause of anguish and grief by ending my life. We've been married for 45 years, have two adult children who are married, and each has a daughter. I have 4 siblings with whom I've always been close. That's a pretty solid bunch of people whom I care about, and who would be devastated if I were to succeed at a suicide attempt. That's a strong motivator to resist the suicidal urges. Will it continue to be strong enough to keep me going until I die of natural causes? I just can't predict the future. I wish I could state for certain that I will never make another attempt. Right now, I hope not. I have no plans to. During this period of my life, my focus is on dealing with depression and anxiety and other mental illness issues and other physical health problems, both mine and my wife's.
Jim
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Hello @tbaxter33 and welcome to Mayo Connect
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your son. How very difficult for you and your family. Please accept my condolences. I appreciate your entering into this conversation. As we share our experiences, as difficult as they are, we can learn from each other.
If you care to share more about yourself, we would like to get to know you better. For example, how long ago did your son die? Have you found any helpful coping strategies that you could share with us?
Teresa