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Thanks for reading @safetyshield, I guess everyone else is busy with the hussell & bussell of the holidays. I have been trying to use retail therapy to try & distract me from thinking all the bad thoughts. I just feel so alone. I so need and miss the warmth & understanding of my husband. I have never felt the need for human touch - a genuine hug would do, so much. my heart actually aches. I have always had sad thoughts near Christmas as my grandfather passed away from a massive heart attack two weeks before and my best friend died one week before Christmas. While my husband died in May, ever holiday has been one without him for the first time, including this one.
I wondered how @kimsworld is coping, being this is her first time without her father & how @jimhd is doing, I know it has been difficult for him for some time.
Kim had made an analogy in dealing with & getting out of depression as climbing up rungs of a ladder, which I agree is a good one. I have found myself at that bottom rung for a long time and recently holding one end of a rope, with a noose at the other end. Dealing with life was hard enough before my husband's death and now my CRPS is getting worse. I am having to do more physical things then what I should, but are a necessity and my body is rebelling.
My son is moving out soon and while I will not miss much about him I pretty sure that I may not see him much if again, once he moves out. Everyone thought that my children would rally around me once my husband died. My son barely acknowledges me. If he does it usually involves some snarky remark or real attitude. The times when he has come in a room while I was crying, he quickly leaves and pretends he never saw or heard me. If he wants to tell me something it`s fine, but if I try and initiate a conversation he either yawns, tells me to get to the point or walks away. I have never met anyone so rude, and it is embarrassing to tell anyone not close to the family that he treats me this way.
Whether I make it to 2017 is very dependant on how the holidays play out this year. This will be the first time in 33 years that I have been without a better half at Christmas!
Replies to "Thanks for reading @safetyshield, I guess everyone else is busy with the hussell & bussell of..."
overwhelmed I am sorry that you feel so depressed it is no wonder with all the deaths of friends and family that you had to deal with. Depression is a lonely illness but you can beat it. It is so important that you fight this feelings by getting out there and keep busy. Look for activities in your area that you hadn't done before or for a while or would like to try now. I know it is really hard to get moving but just huff and puff and grawl and get up. Winter and the holiday season is depressing for many of us. It is getting colder which limits some of us to be active which can get us depressed. So call someone that makes you feel good get together with those same types of people and fight on. Keep in touch.
( Overwhelmed)- and that is sure what life feels like most of time, at least if we live mostly ion the road of depression-it will feel that way. Even as a Chaplain for 45 year -I have many days dealing with depression/PTSD. In short what helps me in reading of the Psalm's, and siting eye ball to eye ball we a really good friend- not just a passing friend, but a real friend and let it out, as well as the tears and the focus of what you feel is bring you down to such a place -as depression or Despair , I'm not asking what you believe or what church you attend, doesn't matter for me, God matters to me-can I tell Him what I feel, in no uncertain words- I think He is big enough to handle our depression. JJAMES. God Bless you my friend.
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@overwhelmed
I'm sure sorry that you're experiencing so many hard things at once. Your son's emotional and verbal abuse are inexcusable. I imagine he's missing his father, too, though he may be in denial of his grief, or very angry, and could be taking it out on you.
Every human being has the responsibility to be considerate of the needs, feelings and rights of others around them. I hope your son will at some point open his eyes and acknowledge your pain, and that he'll figure out that you deserve his respect. You certainly don't deserve the kind of treatment he's been giving you.
Be kind to yourself. Remember that you're a valuable, loved member of society. Don't do anything you don't have to or don't want to do this Christmas season. Think about the things that have been helpful in the past - prayer, meditation, music, deep breathing, aromatherapy, reading...I think we all have a few coping skills that we can turn to when we need them. Now's the time to put them to work.
The first time every holiday comes along after the trauma of losing someone we love is usually hard, some harder than others. Maybe there's something you've wanted to do at Christmas, but have never done?
I hope you have someone you can talk to. I understand not having anyone who fills that need - it's a problem for me. I need to work on finding a therapist.
Focus on what is happening today, do some deep breathing, and try to relax and find the good of the moment.