@kartwk I like your spunk! I have read back over your posts about different topics over the last few years & certainly you have had a lot to deal with. But you just seem to “put your big girl panties on” as they say. You keep moving forward.
Straight talk - your journey will not get easier. Especially physically. So let’s work smarter. Just reaching out to this blog site for help & venting is a huge step. 1st - have a discussion with your husband about your wills, both of your health situations, and what you both want. And remind him you love him. Pick a good time. Do not be discouraged if he can’t or won’t talk about any or all. This will give you an idea of his cognitive situation as often illnesses and lower oxygen and age can affect some. Then you need to make notes about your thoughts. From this combined “wants/needs” - you have a plan. Then you take the baby steps to implement it. For example - make your wills known to family members to get them off your backs. Too many people are not upfront & it makes it difficult for loved ones. If you and/or your husband value your physical independence, then get some help. Hire a kid or better yet a handyman or a service to help with yard work, cleaning the house or even shaking rugs. These little help tools make it easier for you both to stay healthy and prevent injuries - which reduce independence. Lastly - there is joy, bright moments, little things that can yield a smile that need to be found or made. Old friends, church members, Seniors Helping Seniors, local agencies, book clubs, a weekly center, volunteer, animal shelter, library, knitting, baking - the world is full of so much. There are 3 of you in this relationship that need to be taken care of - you, your husband and you as a couple. Make a list of the baby steps to be taken - not the giant leaps - and start crossing them off. Some will not be easy. A person once likened it to running a marathon - just do each mile and they will add up. I have done several - both literally & figuratively - never easy nor pretty. But here I am! Good luck & keep moving.